Stop the Madness!

I’d like to think of myself as a sensible, reasonable person. Not a whiner. Not a complainer. Don’t think for one second I’m complaining. I just want my life to make sense. So, please explain this to me because it makes zero sense.

Explain to me why I must pick out my swim suit in the month of January. As I recall, this is when the swim suits made their first appearance in the stores. Now I’m trying to pick out a suit in mid-June on account of my suit from last year went missing. This missing suit I purchased at the end of last summer was on sale. It was such a bargain. I was saving money and it was a likeable suit. All my careful planning, dashed! In the few stores I dragged myself to today, I had to ask the salesperson where the swim suits were. They were tucked away by the intimates. Oh, look! There’s two in my size and they’re hideous. Unwearable! Off I march to another store and more bad luck.

Now I may be forced to buy a swim suit from an expensive catalog. While the suits are usually attractive, you always take that chance on the size. Or, maybe it does fit but the cut is wrong, you don’t like the fabric, the design of the fabric looks strange on your body, and so on.  And then, there’s the matter of the shipping costs. Usually, they give free shipping if you spend over X amount of dollars, which as we know, usually isn’t a problem with the swim suits as they usually far exceed this X price! But if you send it back, then you must pay full shipping costs. So, then you find yourself in a conundrum. Am I really this picky? Can I live with this suit? It’s okay if half my boobs stick out, right? I’ll just wear a cover up. Let’s just say, it’s risky.

Now this would not happen if the stores just let things flow naturally. What I’d like to do is have a moment with the store manager. Any major department store or retailer will do.

“Why, why!” I’ll say to him/her. “Why can’t you get you these seasons straight? Can’t you see I’m confused? Can’t you see my head is spinning? I just want a normal, simple existence!!!”

I realize the current practices make sense to some qualified person with a fancy title in the fashion world or the automobile industry. At some point in time, someone thought it would be loads of fun to put out this year’s model last year. Oh, and that winter coat, let’s show it off at the beginning of summer. And, now the retailers have followed suit, trying to rush our year along and push us past the seasons before we’re even in them.

What are we supposed to do if we don’t want to buy that Valentine’s Day card on New’s Year Day? I think from now on, I’ll simply roll with it.

Oh sorry, honey, I couldn’t quite find the right Valentine’s Day card, but here’s a rockin’ Saint Paddy’s Day card. Happy Shamrock Day! Kiss, kiss. Now let’s go have ourselves that green beer.

You’re in trouble if you’re reduced to what’s left in the half aisle alloted for throwaway rejects come any holiday. Sorry, kids. It looks like the Easter Bunny ran out of bunnies. But look, he brought you some American flags and patriotic confetti! Hooray! Candy for Halloween? Here’s some minty fresh candy canes.

I still have hope that I will find a sensible, cute suit that looks perfect on me and doesn’t break the bank. Just in case, I may get that cozy fleece jacket. Maybe it can double for a cover up.

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Take it away.

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