Excuse me, I seem to have lost my mind

This post is meant neither to inspire, inform, or entertain. It’s the dog days of summer and my mind has gone missing.

Really, I mean my younger son S. is obsessed with string, tying it into knots. Several times over today he’s asked me to tie string around a Lego piece that is attached to a Lego crystal. I must wound the string perfectly to his liking.

Over and over I tried to his frustration, “I guess I’ll have to do it myself. You failed!”

“What? What’s wrong with it?” I get no explanation.

And then, there are several small toys that he’s gathered to be put into a mass of string, which then must be tied in knots, over and over. Why are we doing this? Each time, “No. Not like that! You see, all this string is a ship.” Oh, I see.

We recently got two adorable orange kittens. One of them, Shasta is her name, came down with tremors and violent shaking, followed by a watery eye. We panicked and thought it was a rare disease, but so far she has recovered. Her watery eye still persists. In the meantime, the other kitty got poked in the eye. That one was my fault. Total accident. Meanwhile, H. my older son poked himself in his own eye with an ice cube, and later, one of the kitties scratched  S. in the eye. In all cases, kitty or human, self-inflicted or otherwise, it was the left eye. Significance? I must remember to hide all scissors and sharp objects.

Nevermind playing with the delightful cat toys that we provided for the kitties which they love by the way. No. We must use hard plastic toys interwoven in a mass of string that it so long that it could strangle the kitties.

The quest for the aquarium toy continues. Well, it’s not a toy. It’s a fixture, a decoration, you know for an aquarium. We, of course, don’t even own an aquarium.  S. has his heart set on the pirate cave.

“Mommy, I want the pirate cave.”

“What do you need it for?” I mumble.

“I need it to hide toys.”

“Oh, well, let’s just make it. We can paint it. It can be multi-colored.” A great craft idea.

“That would be stupid.” Of course, how stupid is this?

“If I don’t get the pirate cave, I won’t kiss you, hug, cuddle or read books with you.”

So, every five minutes, we have this same conservation as if we’re caught in an eternal loop. It usually ends with, “I won’t kiss you, hug, cuddle, or read books with you.”

H. has bloody noses every night. Midnight is the kids’ new bedtime hour. Every night is a slumber party with the kitties.

Did I mention my poor husband has shingles? He has moments of delirium and outbursts of pain so severe he swears a shark has bit him.

Whenever I try to leave the house, I can’t find my car keys, or my sunglasses. I can’t find my water bottle. I forget where I left my phone. I must have these four things in my possession to exit. Usually when I’ve found one item, I can’t remember where I put down the other items I tracked down. I can’t simply leave the house. It’s impossible.

Is it any wonder I’m reading Fifty Shades of Grey?

Photo credit: Freedigitalphotos.net

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14 thoughts on “Excuse me, I seem to have lost my mind

  1. Amy, this was hysterical. It is hysterical in its own right, but it is especially funny to me because I can actually picture each of you since I know you. I practically pissed myself.

    Next time you can’t find your keys, phone, water bottle, etc., find a long string somewhere in your house with random toys attached. Pretty sure you’ll find them there.

    And poor D. Shingles? Good Lord. I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that, although it was a well placed statement and made my Inner Devious Goddess laugh at the Calgon scene you described.

    Very nice, Amy.

    Emily Reese

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    1. Hi Emily. Thanks. School couldn’t start soon enough, eh? The shingles have been rough. Was almost not going to include that big, but it’s a big piece and, as you mentioned, part of the Calgon scene for sure. Thank you, Em.

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  2. Amy,
    You are my kinda storytelling Mom. Love love your funny funny.voice. It felt like you were describing a nightmare you had, especially when you couldn’t escape. Not meant to entertain, my bum. Thank you.
    Love,
    Shalagh

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    1. Hi Shalagh, Thank you so much. Well, it’s good to step back and laugh at your life I think. I try to do this as often as I can, especially when I have such a hard time escaping. 🙂 It’s critical to laugh. Thank YOU.

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  3. A wandering mind is very useful at times. Let it wander and be free. When it’s time to put it to good use, it shall surely return.

    As for the knots and strings, maybe you should consider giving a look at the book ‘The Ultimate Encyclopedia of Knots & Ropework’ by Geoffrey Budworth; unless it’s a simple passing phase. Macramé, though it seems to be a dying hobby, might also be of interest.

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  4. Funny post!! And I just CANNOT get myself to read Fifty Shades. My friend sent me the ebook and the minute I scrolled down and read that Anna wanted to lick Grey’s face I almost died. I couldn’t even handle her wanting to “feel the roughness of his face” on her tongue. Definitely the wrong genre for me! Haha. The only reason I read it was ‘coz my best friend wanted me to, to see who I’d picture Grey as….

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    1. And, will you see the movie? The movie may be pretty enjoyable. I see the allure because it’s such a fantasy. Christian Grey doesn’t exist in real life. I think the author is pretty tongue-in-cheek and almost laughing as she wrote it. She did quite well for herself anyway.

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      1. Yeah, I actually liked the beginning. When they first met and then again at Clayton’s. I thought that was well written and so real. I could relate to her being all nervous and crazy. Except the lines were so repetitive. “I flushed” being one of them.

        I’m not sure… Maybe if my friends drag me there I’ll go watch it with my eyes and ears closed in some scenes. Haha. Has Grey been casted yet? I heard Ian Somerhalder was approached but he rejected the role….

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      2. Agree. I think all the repetition gets in the way and is distracting. I had to look up Ian Somerhalder, since I am a little out the loop. Yeah, he would have worked out well. 🙂 I’m sure they will find someone. I have no doubt.

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