Image courtesy of Piya Singh (Bittercharm)
Enrique and his wife, Sadie, had walked for hours in overgrown hills and meandered off course. While lumbering through granite rocks and muddy sludge, traces of honeysuckle lit the way to a new path. Once they chose it there was no turning back.
The cottage appeared before them as a mirage with the delicate trickle of water coaxing them closer. They dropped their packs and splashed their faces with cool liquid and drank.
They could rest tonight. Inside a candle burned and a small, feathered bed awaited them. Sadie sighed. The door slammed shut, locking them in. The candle extinguished.
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I like the structure of your piece – the hint of something sinister in the first paragraph, the feeling that everything will alright for them in the middle section and then the sudden realisation at the end that it will only finish badly. Nice
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Uh-oh, wrong choice. Nicely done, with a sinister twist there.
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Thank you, Sandra. I think the woods always bring out the sinister.
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There is a phrase ‘never look a gift horse in the mouth’ …. I think they did this and will now regret it 🙂 Very well written and I enjoyed it.
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Thank you, Linda. Yes, apparently, they made the wrong choice 🙂
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Oooh….wonder what happened after the door shut and locked. Sounds like the basis for a horror flick. Nice imagery…you took me from an idyllic nature scene to something sinister and then left the rest to my imagination. Good job.
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Thank you, Rochelle. That’s just what I was hoping for, to go from the idyllic nature to the sinister. I’m glad you had a sense of that.
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Huh, I could have sworn I left a comment a minute ago, but since I didn’t get confirmation, I’ll try again. I love the concise writing in this piece and the dramatic flair you gave the ending. I wonder exactly what happened when the lights went out. Well done!
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Hi Jess. I was trouble approving your comment as well. Hopefully, it will work itself out. Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I’m happy you enjoyed it.
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Oh no….seems like they are in trouble…Very nice Amy, i like the imagery created here and the ending left me wanting more :). Well done!
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Hi Boomie. Thank you. It was a really good writing exercise for me. The word limitation definitely forces you to make some choices 🙂 I want to continue doing these. Thank you so much for turning me on to this group.
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This is great! Love the flow of language and images… and the mystery..
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Oh, the horror. Love the way you leave their awful fate to the imagination. Ron
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Thanks, Ron. Yes, this could easily turn into something very horrible. Thanks for reading. – Amy
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I think they should have been wary of the candle and the featherbed. Don’t they watch any horror shows?? That type of thing is always too good to be true. 🙂 Nice job with build-up to the horror.
Maybe there’s a WordPress glitch going on. My email said I had a comment to moderate (and showed me the comment) but it hasn’t shown up on my post in over half an hour. Creeeeeppppyyy!
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My computer is glitchy too. Creeepy!! This is actually the fourth time I’ve to send this message. Plus, I know we’re not the only ones. Hmm….I hope it’s not my story. It’s possessed WordPress. Thanks for your nice comments. I’m going to send this before it’s too late….
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nicely done — so hopeful, until hope was extinguished with the light.
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Thanks! I like the way you worded that 🙂
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Very scary – very concise. Well done 🙂
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Thank you so much, Dianne.
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Nice work! Are you going to tell us what happens next?
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Thank you, Tammy. For the Friday Fictioneers group you are given a prompt (like a photo) and then are limited to 100 words. So, that was my challenge. I suppose I could continue it on my own. Possibly.
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Sounds interesting. You did an awesome job with the prompt!
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Thanks, Tammy! I appreciate the support.
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Oh..oh…Wonder why the feathered bed and candle did not give them a clue and send goosebumps. It was too inviting.
ps: I agree re. WordPress glitches this week. I’ve tried leaving many comments which would not take, so gave up. Previous to this, I tried sending one to Carrie…5 times….to no avail. I’m hoping this one works.
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Hi Lora. I’m new to the Friday Fictioneers. I’m so happy with the response and comments people have given me. Thank you so much for reading. WordPress seems to be a little better lately. My computer, however, is on the blink.
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Very nicely done. The ending was interesting. 🙂
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Thank you kindly.
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*dun dun dun*
Oh no! It sounds a bit like a ‘Blair Witch’ cabin.
Only… you know… better written.
🙂
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Thank you very much, SIG. It was part of the Friday Fictioneer group and we’re limited to 100 words…so, this is what I came up with. Gee, I’m always coming up with something kind of dark of sinister….Hmm.
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Ooh! Can’t wait to read what happens next!
I love the little cottage too, great image!
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The last line seemed a bit scary at first glance, but then I thought: it could mean “now you can finally have some sleep.”
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You’re right, Nikki. I could take it that direction. Lights out…time for rest. It could just be a suspenseful moment. Thanks!
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