Good afternoon, Friday Fictioneers. My computer is still being repaired, so I have limited online access. I’m sorry if I am putting this out there kind of late. I am still in a kind of limbo. Perhaps this inspired today’s entry.
This week’s photo prompt of Madison Woods Friday Fictioneers challenge is courtesy of the talented Rochelle.
Image courtesy of Rochelle Wishoff- Fields
Boxed-In (100/100)
I awoke, wrestled from my dreams, to a light scratching at the door. A creaking and twisting of the doorknob beget a sudden jolt. Once. Twice. I heard a patter of footsteps in retreat.
Was that a child? Did I take his bed? The musty air muted my senses.
Turning on the lamp near my bedside, boxes stacked to the ceiling enclosed me in a cave. An immense spider skimmed the cardboard to her silk bed, arrested between two boxes.
Tireless pounding at the door ensued. “I need to come in,” a voice shrieked.
The spider slipped into a box.
I like the imagery and pace set here.
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It’s still Friday where I am, so you’re not late. The “tireless pounding on the door” and the needing to come in kept trying to make me think the narrator was in the bathroom, a place where when a parent goes there, a child immediately needs to either come in or start talking to you!! But the scenario sounds more serious and I’m wondering how the narrator got there, boxed in, and who the child was. I like your description of the spider’s home, too. But glancing at your tag of “humor” threw me. Was this a creepy dream state or a dream state from which the narrator was awakened by his/her child? If the second, it sounds as though they’d just moved in (all the boxes.) Left me hanging quite nicely. 🙂
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I thought I changed my tags, but I guess it didn’t take. It shouldn’t be under humor. Oops. I guess it could be confusing. This person is awakened by the child at the door, sleeping in bed. You’re right though. That’s when I usually hear pounding on the door, when I’m in the bathroom and my child, suddenly, needs me desperately. The person in this story is in a state of confusion….much like myself without a computer 🙂
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OK, then I was right the first time when I thought the narrator was sleeping, awakened from a dream (always a bit disorienting) and the child wanted to come in. Phew! I’m not losing it. 🙂
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No, you got it perfectly! Thank you! I imagined this person in the story sleeping in a strange place. You know how you have weird dreams sleeping in a different place?
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Heck, I have weird dreams in my own bed!!
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You painted the picture very well, its 1 a.m. here and i almost heard the knocking myself. (kinda scared myself there!) Great story and choice of words. Thank you for sharing.
Mine is here….
http://reeflections.wordpress.com/2012/09/15/stuck-on-you/
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Thanks! I’ll be sure to read as well. I guess I did my job if you are scared.
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Dear TBF,
You sure did make me jump out of my skin. Please no more horror, no more horror for me! 😛
Regards,
BC
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Fascinating and palpably suspenseful. I wonder who was trying to come in, and why the urgency to get into that musty, cramped den.
http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/09/14/the-moses-field-copyright-2012-ilyan-kei-lavanway/
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Thanks so much for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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nice atmosphere building to something awful
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Thanks and thanks for reading!
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TBF,
Little known fact: Rochelle Wishoff- Fields took a snapshot of my brain during the Canadian winters. Le Clown wouldn’t make a joke about this.
Le Clown
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Oh, Le Clown, I think you’re fooling me. Perhaps a little sunshine is in order. How can you make this happen?
Le Bumble
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This is a great start to a suspenseful tale. Would like to read what comes next. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story.
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Thank you so much!
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Hahaha… maybe the knocker wouldn’t be quite so enthusiastic about trying to get in if s/he knew about the current ‘wildlife situation’!
Very nicely done, B.F… wow… the images you can paint with words… awesomeness!
(I hope your computer feels better very soon!)
🙂
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The wildlife situation, right! Funny. Or, maybe that child is psycho and shouldn’t come in. I don’t know. What is she shrieking about anyway? Thanks for your kind words, SIG. You’re very encouraging.
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I like your style, dear miss. I think your years raising boys have armed you with care and eloquence.
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Turning on the lamp near my bedside, boxes stacked to the ceiling enclosed me in a cave.
literally, this sentence says that boxes turned on the lamp near your bedside.
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Thanks for your feedback. Perhaps it is a little confusing. Guess this is bound to happen when you are stuck to a word limit. Thanks for commenting.
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Ooh, what a place to be sleeping. Rather her than me. Well done.
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Thank you, Antonia!
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Dear Miss Bumble,
A fever dream of your own, eh?
Aloha,
Doug
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Yes, this is based loosely on a real experience. Of course, it’s fictionalized here, and I didn’t see any spiders that night.
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