Chick Moments

I’m calling Chick Moments things that don’t happen to guys. So guys, if I haven’t already turned away, you might want to stay and have a peek into the inner workings of a chick moment. There’s nothing wrong with getting in touch with your feminine side. Gals, you can let me know if any of this rings true.

Have you ever found yourself in a circle of women discussing the “chick” topics: purses, shoes, hair, manicures, pedicures, etc. I think we all have. This is the scene: Women gather, pheromones blend into the perfect formation, and a chick connection is made. Sassy Queen Estrogen flies in and makes her presence, taking notes on hair styles and makeup.

Can you tell I don’t like this? And, yet, I participate with the best of them. It’s as if the pheromonal air is acting as glue, holding the circle in one cohesive unit. Sometimes I feel that I almost can’t leave, and if I want to leave, I need to run. No bolt. I find myself commenting when actually I don’t care that much. Now let me pause for a moment. If it’s a close friend who asks for my opinion on something personal, this is a completely different story.

It’s the mindless bantering, chit-chattering about purses and shoes. Admittedly, I’ve never been much of a shopper. Shopping to me is usually about finding a specific item for a particular purpose within a confined budget. This is more of an assignment really. Shopping is only fun when you have money to burn and don’t need anything. This never happens. Still, if I had extra money, I probably still wouldn’t enjoy it. I’d prefer to be given clothes that fit perfectly and look great on me. I guess, who wouldn’t?

Purses and shoes are one thing, but it’s hair….hair color, hair styles, hair length…this is where there is more common ground. The chit chat about hair, indeed, surfaces.  The worst thing that can happen is if you make a noticeable change to your hair, and you get NO RESPONSE.

Case in point. Get ready for a disastrous Bumble. Once, in the process of getting my hair colored, the hairdresser said to me, “I’m just following your file here,” as she poured color or toner (or what?!) all over my hair.

Panic sets in. Was she kidding me? “File?” I ask. “I’ve never had my hair colored here before.”

She stopped with the chemicals. “Are you sure?” Is she doubting me? Mind you, we did have the pre-color talk. We already agreed on the color and the direction we were going. I guess that went out the window with evidence of the file.

After she rinsed out the chemicals, she promptly grabbed more bottles of toner (I think) and she poured them all over my head; rinsing, more pouring, more rinsing. My head felt raw.

The moment arrived on the chair in front of the mirror. How bad was it? She pulled off the towel, and all I could say was, “Oh, oh, wow…it’s, uh, brassy.”  Inside I was screaming, What did she fucking do to my hair? Why me? Why, oh why? The color was like the brassy gold of a door knob, with tinges of orange. I wasn’t going for the chic, Cindy Lauper. I couldn’t pull that off even if I wanted to.

But at that point, I pretended I was looking at someone else in the mirror. Who was that strange girl? Then denial set in. It won’t be that bad once she blow dries my hair. It will lighten up and with a few shampoos, indeed, it will tone down. Sure. I was in shock and actually paid for the color.

I was promptly taken back to reality when I arrived on school grounds to retrieve my children. Certainly, my female acquaintances noticed. Sure they did. I got the big NOTHING. I got the glances and the head turning in the opposite direction, or my favorite, the flat out stare directly into my eyes and then ZILCH.

Honestly, I should have worn a hat. The following week, I got, “You colored your hair,” and then NADA. They collectively knew they could not fake this.

You could say I’m out of the blond phase. As this happened a few years ago the brass has been replaced by my more natural brown tones. You can always fix hair. That’s a good thing.

photo credit: porschelinn via photopin cc

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21 thoughts on “Chick Moments

  1. I’ll tell you your hair or nails or purse looks nice. But I’m with ya’ on the mindless shopping banter. And shopping is just a chance to talk and lunch and get an idea of future Christmas presents. I once had molten plastic deposited into my hair because “someone” had put the curling iron back in the wrong holster hole. I now color my own hair because it’s all gray and has been for some time. And I believe in having someone else do the brows and a bi-annual pedicure. My two cents Mrs. Bumble.

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    1. Thanks, Shalagh! It’s just funny to me how it happens. Oohhh, that’s awful about your hair. Molten plastic. Wow, did you have to cut it out? I find myself coloring a lot at home, too, because I can’t keep up with the grays. A couple days after a color, there they are. Such a nuisance! It’s hard to keep up.

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  2. When I hear women start talking faster and faster and faster about things like this I generally start to back away and cower in the corner (I honestly can’t even follow conversations on subjects like this… my head just starts swimming… I’m totally clueless).
    🙂

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    1. I understand completely, SIG. It’s ok. I, too, want to cower in the corner and sometimes I do! I’m sure you’re not alone. That’s funny….women start talking faster and faster…you’re right about this. This does, indeed, happen.

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  3. My real hair, since getting rid of my extensions post-chemo, makes me look like Marilyn Monroe on steroids. I walk over every street air blower I can find to allow my skirt to fly up and show my granny panties, just to complete the Norma Jean look. I embrace the “Wow, your hair sure is white” comments and say: “Well, at least I have hair now. But you fail to mention my panties…”

    Loved this post. Happy Birthday!

    Love,
    Emily

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    1. Hi Emily!
      Good to hear from you. Your hair looks great in the pictures I’ve seen. I guess I didn’t realize they were extensions. Well,heck, enjoy the Marilyn Monroe resemblance. I like your comeback panty comment. Yeah, you tell them…Thanks, Em. Thanks for the birthday wishes.
      Love, Amy

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  4. Gee, we guys never talk of haircuts that I know of, much less admit we’re balding or graying. And you wonder what we talk of instead? Usually it’s doom and gloom — politics or the economy or, perhaps on safer ground, the local sports teams.
    No wonder we look so lost at the mall.
    Here’s hoping you’ve recovered from the chemicals.

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    1. Hi Jnana. Thanks for your comments. Well, I guess I would rather talk hair and purses over politics and the economy. Any day! I’m sure not all guys really like talking sports either. It’s just the comfort zone we fall into in big groups, I suppose. My hair has recovered, thank goodness!

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  5. Well, here’s hoping my sometimes blond daughter takes my Nada/stare to heart, lol. She’s forever experimenting, even though she knows she looks utterly luscious with her natural color darkened just a bit. Why not just highlight for drama?? (Can’t complain too much, tho –it has been metal red, blue, and purple, too.). Seems I missed your birthday –a belated happy year to you!

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    1. Hi Carol of the Bells, Thanks for stopping by. When I hear stories like yours, I’m very happy I have two boys. I always hear they’re easier than girls….Luckily hair grows out and color can be changed! Thanks for the birthday wishes!

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  6. I’m balding and grey and my wife cuts what’s left with a number 6 blade on a set of ‘lectric trimmers – the only thing I have to do is make sure I sit still and sweep the hair up afterwards, and believe me that doesn’t take long!
    Way back, a zillion years ago, I used to have ‘hippie hair’ which looked completely ridiculous as it started the inevitable march backwards over my scalp when I was in my early twenties. Then one day, I went to the barbers (I’m a bloke, blokes didn’t got to ‘hairdressers’) and asked the guy to give me a short back and sides, apart from my mother’s ‘About time too!’ not a word was said – most weird – to me it was a life changing moment. 🙂

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    1. Hi Stephen. It’s funny how hair can bring about so much drama and change in one’s life. It’s only hair, right? I wish I could just have quick trim like you and be done with it. No such luck. My husband just shaves his head when it gets long. You guys have all the luck! Thank you for stopping by 🙂

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