Welcome, Friday Fictioneers. Many thanks to the lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting and leading this group. Today’s photo prompt has been provided by Rochelle.
If you would like to participate please follow this link. The challenge is to write 100 words of fiction, either as a story or poetry, in response to the photo prompt. You may be surprised what you come up with. Give it a try!
I have a 103 words in the form of a story. Comments welcome. Click here to read more Friday Fictioneers stories.
Photo courtesy of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Rendezvous
“Coffee?” the waitress asked.
“Please,” she said. “Oh, can you make it two? I have a friend meeting me.”
He was late, which wasn’t like him. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know this place. This was where they had shared a bowl of tomato bisque. Her eyes had transfixed on his blue ones, as he slurped down spoonfuls. They filled the empty spaces with nervous laughing, brushing their knees under the table. She rested her shoes on top of his and he squeezed her hand.
She embraced the memory with a heavy yearning. The waitress returned with coffee to an empty table.
This sounds as though she knew the ending was nigh. Good one.
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Dear Amy,
He’s been delayed. A bear or a deer through the windshield. Anything but the sad ending of your story. I enjoyed it very much (for the writing, not the outcome.) Good job.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thank you, Doug. Sorry, I couldn’t have a happier ending for you. Maybe next time. I almost changed it because, indeed, this is frightfully sad. A deer through the windshield!…oh, likely excuse!
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“Brushing their knees on the table” put a smile on my face. Nice story!
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Thanks, Rynna. I appreciate your nice comments!
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Nice! You’re talented at fitting a story into so few words. 🙂
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Thanks, David. Now if only I could that for a longer piece 🙂
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good one indeed. Real feeling of longing.
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Thank you. I’m glad that came across!
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This made my heart ache. Nice job.
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Oh, sorry to make your heart ache. I went the sad route. This cafe does look delightful though. I bet you have happy experiences here. I hope so. Thanks, Rochelle!
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nice piece. Among all the various parts, I particularly liked the “She rested her shoes on top of his”
Randy
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Thank you, Randy. I appreciate your feedback. Thanks for your nice comments.
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Great and very real imagery…wish he showed up but I guess not. Very well told Amy.
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Guess not. I could have ended up with them bumping into each other. That would have been a longer story 🙂 Thanks, Boomie!
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Oh well… Sometimes good things don’t last too long for their own sake. Bitter-sweet story.
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Thanks, Parul. So true, isn’t it? Thanks for reading.
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Hi Amy,
Great story of heartbreak. Your words tell us how into him she was, even though he did slurp. Your story was just right for the photo. Sorry to endanger you in my story. I was reading a novel, One Foot In Eden, by Ron Rash and one of the main characters was named Amy. I recommend it. Ron
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Thanks, Ron. Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll check it out. I wasn’t sure about the slurping. I guess I’m trying to show there a lightness there and acceptance.
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Loved this, Bumble. Makes me want to know more.
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Thanks, Brigitte. It’s good to know.
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Lovely, but sigh.
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Oh, well…nothing lasts forever.
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It sounds as though this won’t have a happy ending, unfortunately. I enjoyed the story but this broke the smoothness a tiny bit–” It’s not as if “. “It wasn’t as if” would fit with the rest of your tenses. Again, “This is where they had shared “…”This was where…”. A small thing compared to the quality of your story but something easily made better. 🙂
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Thank you! I appreciate your thoughtful comments. I will make some adjustments. I kind of went back and forth when I was writing this. I guess you noticed. Thanks.
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This longing hits so close to real yearning and expected loss. Well done.
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Thank you, kindly.
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Great story, wish you would add a little more. Would love to know what happened next.
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She rested her shoes on top of his… such a tender intimate thing to do. I guess she may have been expecting disappointment… that is a hard thing. Nice story.
here’s mine…http://tedstrutz.com/2012/10/25/displaced/
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The ending really hit hard after how sympathetically you set her up — she’s a sweet romantic! The way you left it with the waitress was a really nice touch
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Thanks, Brian. Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I’m sorry she had to let you down.
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This: “She rested her shoes on top of his and he squeezed her hand.”
Oh, I know that feeling. That something solid beneath one’s feet. I love that and you captured it all in 100 words. Sheesh. And I thought I was doing well with making it under 450! I don’t think I could do anything in 100 words! Good for you, Bumble! 😉
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Thanks, Renee! Well, I attempt to capture something in 100 words. I guess there’s not a lot of wiggle room. I’m sure you would come up with something. You should try it sometime. I’ve found it very motivating for my writing. Thanks for reading and for your nice comments!
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And I should add, the juxtaposition with the last line. Is. Heartbreaking.
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It was almost too sad to write.
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It’s gorgeous! For real.
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A good one. I like the footsie, but had trouble swallowing the tomato bisque.
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Oh, what’s wrong with tomato bisque?! I know some people really don’t like it. Was it the soup? Or the slurping? Thanks, Stephen!
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I don’t like starting the day with heavy yearning any more than your protagonist does, but you drew me into it. Before I even had MY coffee!
Nice job, Amy!
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Thank you, Perry! I appreciate your comments. Thanks!
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Bittersweet. It brings back memories for we did the same thing when we dined out in casual places… with the same blue and white tablecloth. That romance didn’t last either but the memories are sweet.
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Thanks, Lora. It’s hard to hold on to the romance, that’s for sure. Thanks for reading.
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A heartfelt story. Too bad he didn’t feel the same way. Well done.
Tom
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Thank you, Tom!
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So sad. I felt for her, but I do wonder what happened.
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Thanks, Shirley. I’m not sure what happens to to her. Perhaps, all is not lost. 🙂
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And what have we learned here today? Never trust a man with blue eyes who slurps his soup! Everything is not always as it seems with a slurper.
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Exactly, Paul, exactly! If he slurps and has blue eyes, just walk away.
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I found this interesting. You build her up with sympathy, and she’s wondering what’s up, where he is, then boom ! She’s gone too!
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Thanks, Sam! I guess the waiting gave her time to analyze it too closely. Thanks for reading mine.
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One-hundred-three words and it took only one sentence to render the heartbreak.
—And do it effectively with one of your diner/restaurant stories. I miss those.
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Thanks, Adam! I think diners and restaurants provide a great backdrop for stories. Anything can happen there…drama, heartbreak…and everyone’s gotta eat, except this gal 🙂
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Sexy, tender, haunting…amazing you parlayed so much in so few words.
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Thank you, Sherrie.
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Well done Amy another beautifully written piece about a sad aspect of life.
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