Santa, I’m on to you. Who’s been naughty or nice? I have an answer to that question.
It appears that the orange that people put in their stockings has its own story…and it’s huge! I think this is the closest I’ll ever get to solving the mysteries of the Universe and Everything.
First, the supposed story of the orange goes something like this. Bishop Nicholas wanted to help a poor man by providing a dowry for his three, lovely daughters. Because the poor man did not accept charity, Bishop Nicholas secretly threw bags of gold coins down their chimney, which magically landed in their stockings hung by the fireplace. These bags of gold transformed into balls of gold, which are now symbolized by oranges.
Not so fast, Nicholas. Why all the secrets, huh? You say it’s because the father didn’t want to accept charity, but how did you come across three bags of gold? Maybe it was you who wanted to keep it a secret. Never mind that the dowry was for a woman who would marry someone else. That’s beside the point. I think our friend Nicolas was trying to impress a lady. I’m going to go out on a limb here, because I feel it in my bones, and say that Nicholas did this for a woman with intentions that weren’t altogether pure. He did this for a love that he could not have.
But, alas, this was the next best thing…to see her have happiness. He watched her from a distance and threw himself into gift giving.
And, now, we’re all running around like rabbits, trying to fulfill his hidden agenda, anxious and stressed out. All for the sake of a woman. Yes, it all makes sense now. It’s crystal clear. St. Nick, consider yourself found out. I bet you never thought I would reveal this on a blog with readers that could number in the millions. It could happen.
I imagine now that I have revealed this story, there will be a mad rush to make a documentary or, perhaps, an Academy award-winning film. Of course, this won’t happen. No one would ever produce it because Christmas would be ruined for the kids.
But for the record, the first gift of Christmas was cold, hard cash in the form of gold coins. My oldest son has requested cash for Christmas. First, he requested books, which I was happy about until I learned he wants them in hardcover only. I explained hardcover cost quite a bit more than the soft cover. He, however, wants the hardcover for his collection that he will hand down to his kids. Such a manipulator. Just the books, oh, and some cash, in addition to some gifts he assumes he’s getting.
Oh, he can have some cash. Here darling, how about all that I have left? Here’s a dollar. That will get you half a candy bar, which will taste as good as a whole one. If that isn’t enough to satisfy you, look deeper into your stocking…you can have that orange.
Nicholas, Saint, jolly man…I hope it was worth it.