Mixer – Friday Fictioneers – 05/17/13

It’s time for Friday Fictioneers. Thanks Rochelle for leading us. It feels good to be back. My story is a tad dark today.

For more stories from the Fictioneers, please click here.

Genre: Horror

Copyright – Sarah Ann Hall

Mixer (100 words)

Cole took the Chamberlain mansion without hesitation. In its prime, it was the playground of the social elite. He envisioned writing the summer away while sipping from crystal glasses, putting the final touches on what certainly would be an award-winning novel.

Walking up its path, Cole could barely distinguish the entrance, obscured by overgrown grass and wildflowers. As he opened the door, dust swirled around his head and a stench of smoke and rot overpowered him. Choking, he stumbled outside to throw up.

When his agent came looking, while the mansion appeared spotless, neither Cole nor his story were recognizable.

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60 thoughts on “Mixer – Friday Fictioneers – 05/17/13

    1. Thanks! I appreciate that. I thought it be might too abrupt or not enough. I think this could very well be the middle of the story…but it could also be the end. Indeed, something has eaten him.

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      1. I was always told the mark of great short fiction was to enter in the middle of a story and leave with the story still continuing—so you definitely achieved that!

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  1. the last line could instead read, “…neither Cole nor his story were recognizable.” i know that’s one extra word, but you can easily cut one somewhere. like here: “Cole could barely distinguish the entrance…” great job.

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      1. whatever you do, try not to dream about a window left open and a snake slithering in. that wouldn’t be good. don’t even think about it. nah. never happen. probably.

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  2. Oh oh. I love houses that have character, but that one might have a tad too much. 😉 Not in a bad way! Looks pristine but isn’t. If you were struggling it doesn’t show. I liked it a lot!

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  3. I was actually jealous of him at the beginning – having a mansion to write in – I don’t even have my own room! I think I’ll stick where I am though seeing what hapened to him 🙂

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  4. Poor Cole. His time at the Chamberlain mansion could have gone a few different ways. Either he had writer’s block and distracted himself by cleaning the whole mansion, or something less mundane and more sinister happened………….

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  5. Nice! I always love your scary stuff (well, ALL your stuff of course). It’s kind of a reverse of the Picture of Dorian Gray? (I don’t suppose you’d want to write into a full-length novel. I love the premise).

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    1. Oh, so kind David! Oh, so the house is like the picture? Do you think Cole becomes worse off? That’s kind of what I was going for, but after reading comments and thinking about it, it could go the other way….he could be become this gorgeous but devious millionaire. What do you think? As for a novel, maybe, maybe. Thanks for the encouragement.

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  6. Ooooo… a riveting tale, indeed Amy! Very nicely done (as always)!
    I’ve heard people say that the ‘secret’ in real-estate is something like, ‘Location, Location, Location’… but it’s probably just as important that your house doesn’t freak-out on you!
    🙂

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    1. Thanks, Robert. You’re very kind! Yes, location is one think, the freak-out factor is another! I think it’s too late for Cole. I think it’s important to try to feel the vibe of place before living there, don’t you? 🙂

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  7. Okay, maybe because I hate cleaning house I took it that he spent his time cleaning this horrid house and so the house was clean but he and his writing were an atrocious mess when the agent got there. I guess I took it for a different kind of horror story 🙂

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    1. My thought was he was a mess, but his writing took a different darker turn. But maybe not. Yeah, it’s a little open ended at the moment. It could be that he becomes part of the house, a voice of the house.

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