Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for being our wonderful host of Friday Fictioneers. Also, thanks to Roger Bultot for the inspirational photo.
This is just fiction. Thanks for reading.
Please find more exciting stories from the Fictioneers here.
Literary Fiction: 103 words
Copyright – Roger Bultot
The Scratch of a Branch
I heard the scratch of the window, a branch beating to the tune of Dave Brubeck’s Take Five. It pulsed through my ear buds as I sank deeper into the couch, although absent from any playlist on my iPod, and drummed on under heavy eyelids. Although a constant growing up, I had not listened to it so closely as I did in that moment. Had I not appreciated it fully? The rise and fall of each breath a syncopated chorus, the drumming delicate, faint; a warm hand on my head tousled my hair.
My mother’s scream, her cry. My father had said goodbye.
AmyReeseWrites 
The juxtaposition of the music with the finale is shocking and unexpected.
Nice piece!
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El Guapo, yeah what you said. What a thoughtful and lovely comment. Thank you.
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Lovely piece Amy, there have been so many sad pieces this week as a result of this prompt. I was puzzled by the phrase ‘although a constant growing up’ is this what you meant as for me it seems a bit clunky. Is there a word missing?
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Her father’s final message through their shared music–both tragic and beautiful.
A powerful and effective take on the prompt.
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Thank you, Jan. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. I think music always adds an extra layer.
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Lot’s of emotion in so few words. Great one Amy!
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Thank you, Miss!
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Take Five was a Dave Brubeck song. I didn’t know that Benny G tried it on.
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I guess he did momentarily…Take Two as they say! Thanks!
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Hi Amy,
Really liked the Brubeck reference. Take Five is playing in my head as I write this. The scratching branch is a great metaphor for a scratchy relationship. Ron
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Thanks, Ron. I hadn’t even thought of the “scratchy” relationship. That could possibly apply. Thanks for that.
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That’s really cool, how you wove in musical language through the whole thing. It’s a good parallel. Still, I’m a bit confused on the last line, trying to reconcile it to the picture. Is the narrator in the car with her mother while he father cut the tree down on them, or was the father in the car or am I way off on both of these? Sorry to ask, but I’m curious. 🙂
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Thanks, David. Oh, yeah, now that you describe I see I could use a few more words. I thought of it happening in two different locations with the narrator and the mom at their house, and the father in the car. You know when the picture is so clear in your head. Your confusion is understandable. Thanks for the feedback.
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Ah, okay, that makes sense. Thanks. 🙂
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I could add a few more words…what about if I said the mother is in the kitchen? Would that be enough? That was my original idea. Any thoughts?
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I think that would help, to say where she was.
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Done! See if that helps. Clear enough?
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Nice one, an almost surreal interpretation of the prompt. Sunk or sank? Or is this one of those Anglo-American differences? My understanding is that sank is the past tense of ‘sink’, whilst ‘sunk’ is the past participle. I sank, I had sunk… whatever, I enjoyed your take.
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Thank you so much, Sandra. Thanks for the feedback. You’re right. I think sank is what I’m looking for.
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Dear Amy,
The music moves throughout this piece like a sad refrain. I loved the way you slowly weaved the strands of your story into heartbreak and memory. Delightful.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Doug,
Thank you. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. They mean a lot to me.
Amy
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I wasn’t sure where it was going … then YIKES! Well done.
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Thanks, Frank!
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powerful and wonderfully woven. i love your take on the prompt 🙂
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Thanks, kz! I appreciate your kind words.
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Dear Amy,
A lovely, if not tragic, piece. I did have to read it more than once to catch the gist of it, though. One suggestion–I know you’ve already gotten some so you may take mine with a grain of salt.
This sentence I found particularly confusing: “I had not listened to it so closely as I did in that moment, although a constant growing up.” Its meaning might be clearer with some rearranging. “Although a constant growing up, I had not listened to it so closely as I did at that moment.”
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle. I appreciate your feedback. I don’t think what appeared in my mind what translated to the page. No worries. Amy
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Nice piece, Amy, even with the tragic end.
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Thanks, Russell.
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Well done on making this touching and loving. I read too quickly the first time and took it to be spooky. Great use and descriptions of the music.
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Thanks, Sarah. Well, it is a bit spooky as a this piece started playing on his iPod when he didn’t have it on there before. Glad that came through. Thanks for reading. Amy
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Amy I love the way the music plays through this piece, even better on the second read through. I loved ‘drummed on under heavy eyelids’ – music does that, has a habit of seeping in..
Well done
Dee
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Thanks so much, Dee. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Dramatic and well done. Such a tight knit scene. Loved the end.
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Great story. I didn’t quite get it until I read the comments. Good use of a prop (iPod).I once had my TV switch on three times – same day – without my aid.
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Thank you, Ann. I’ve heard of the strange, electrical occurrences that can happen. I, too, have had a TV turn on! What a coincidence. Thanks for reading.
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Enjoyed it. Ann
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Thank you!
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This was very sad.. and still very tender…
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Thanks, Bjorn. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
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