The Scratch of a Branch – Friday Fictioneers – 08/16/13

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for being our wonderful host of Friday Fictioneers. Also, thanks to Roger Bultot for the inspirational photo.

This is just fiction. Thanks for reading.

Please find more exciting stories from the Fictioneers here.

Literary Fiction: 103 words

Copyright – Roger Bultot

The Scratch of a Branch

I heard the scratch of the window, a branch beating to the tune of Dave Brubeck’s Take Five. It pulsed through my ear buds as I sank deeper into the couch, although absent from any playlist on my iPod, and drummed on under heavy eyelids. Although a constant growing up, I had not listened to it so closely as I did in that moment. Had I not appreciated it fully? The rise and fall of each breath a syncopated chorus, the drumming delicate, faint; a warm hand on my head tousled my hair.

My mother’s scream, her cry. My father had said goodbye.

Advertisements

40 thoughts on “The Scratch of a Branch – Friday Fictioneers – 08/16/13

  1. Lovely piece Amy, there have been so many sad pieces this week as a result of this prompt. I was puzzled by the phrase ‘although a constant growing up’ is this what you meant as for me it seems a bit clunky. Is there a word missing?

    Like

  2. That’s really cool, how you wove in musical language through the whole thing. It’s a good parallel. Still, I’m a bit confused on the last line, trying to reconcile it to the picture. Is the narrator in the car with her mother while he father cut the tree down on them, or was the father in the car or am I way off on both of these? Sorry to ask, but I’m curious. 🙂

    Like

    1. Thanks, David. Oh, yeah, now that you describe I see I could use a few more words. I thought of it happening in two different locations with the narrator and the mom at their house, and the father in the car. You know when the picture is so clear in your head. Your confusion is understandable. Thanks for the feedback.

      Like

  3. Nice one, an almost surreal interpretation of the prompt. Sunk or sank? Or is this one of those Anglo-American differences? My understanding is that sank is the past tense of ‘sink’, whilst ‘sunk’ is the past participle. I sank, I had sunk… whatever, I enjoyed your take.

    Like

  4. Dear Amy,

    A lovely, if not tragic, piece. I did have to read it more than once to catch the gist of it, though. One suggestion–I know you’ve already gotten some so you may take mine with a grain of salt.

    This sentence I found particularly confusing: “I had not listened to it so closely as I did in that moment, although a constant growing up.” Its meaning might be clearer with some rearranging. “Although a constant growing up, I had not listened to it so closely as I did at that moment.”

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  5. Amy I love the way the music plays through this piece, even better on the second read through. I loved ‘drummed on under heavy eyelids’ – music does that, has a habit of seeping in..
    Well done
    Dee

    Like

Take it away.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s