It’s time for Friday Fictioneers. Thank you to the talented and lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for her time and energy hosting this group. Thank you to Claire Fuller for the inspirational photo.
My story of 100 words follows. Thank you for reading, and your criticism is welcome. If you like, you’re welcome to give it a shot.
More stories from the Friday Fictioneers can be found here.
Copyright –Claire Fuller
Dare Accepted (100 words)
The boys trembled before the abandoned church.
Although typical in its construction, it was once described as ornate inside, with gold inlaid ceilings and its halls lined with palatial statues. Tellers of the story claim that a groom kissed his bride, the doors locked, and all in attendance burned to their death.
On a dare, the boy pushed open the door. Expecting to see ashen walls, they saw a tidy, modest church. They crept toward the altar where they noticed a black rose.
“Don’t touch it,” an old man screamed and chased them out.
“I still win,” said the boy.
AmyReeseWrites 
Good one Amy. Like a lot of 100 word stories there are many questions unanswered. Got me thinking.
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Thank you! Right…this was a challenge to tighten up. The dare idea come in second. I know I certainly could extend it. Thanks for reading.
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Dear Amy,
Shades of Carrie and Time Bandits all rolled into one. Good job.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Doug,
Thanks for the nice compliment! As always, I appreciate that you read my stories.
Aloha,
Amy
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Dear Amy,
I’m guessing there was a bet involved here. Good set up and conclusion. I enjoyed this.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I think a bet was definitely in the works for this one, or just plain stupidity. These kids were just lucky. Thanks, Rochelle.
Amy
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I thought for sure you were going to say “suddenly the door slammed behind them.” Boys!
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Honie, I think that would have been more exciting…Hmm. It didn’t feel like enough of a closed ending I guess. Certainly, if I were to write a longer story, that would be a great direction! Thank you.
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Love the tale …. I wondering about the alternate endings you considered …. (word count aside) …. such as he touched the rose …. and clicks of the doors closed echoed throughout.
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Thanks, Frank. I love your comments! You need to write one of these. I did want him to touch the rose, or take the rose, and set off a whole new chain of events. I was hoping that by including the rose, it would indicate that this wasn’t a myth at all, at the very least! I like the click of the doors idea, being locked in all over again, too. Thanks for so much for reading.
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LOL at me writing fiction. Oh gosh …. I wonder how much of a struggle it would be!
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Amy,
You do such a great job of setting the stage and surprising me with the ending…all in a hundred words.
Cathy
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Thanks so much, Cathy! It means so much to me that he read my stories. – Amy
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There’s a lot going on there!
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Thanks, Guapo! You are right! But hopefully, I have contained a smaller story here.
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I love the myths that are part of childhood and the nature of kids pushing the boundaries especially for a bet, lol 🙂
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Thanks, Helen. I agree and kids don’t think twice about pushing boundaries. Thanks for reading!
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the black rose left me wanting more!:-) well done.
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Ah, thanks, kz!
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Black rose – a perfect touch! Well done.
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Thank you, Sandra!
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Maybe you could have expanded on some ideas if you had dropped the second sentence. It seemed the least essential to me. But nice job, though somewhat creepy.
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I’m hoping that you got that the myth is not a myth at all…it really was an elaborate place. I was going to have them walk into a place that was beautiful, as the myth stated…but changed my mind. I thought maybe the black rose would suffice and be an indication of the fire or some darkness within. Thanks for your feedback.
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That’s good. Scary stuff after you’ve lulled the reader into complacency.
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Thanks! I realize I could have chosen a few other directions. Thanks for the feedback.
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The legend set the stage for more suspense. I bet those boys wet their pants.
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Oh, that would have been better ending! Russell, I’ll leave it to you to find the humorous ending.
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Hi Amy,
Well, I know the truth, which is what your blog is all about after all. The old man was grouched out because he’d just lost five dollars at the grocery. He’d gone there intending to buy a dozen black roses, but was only able to buy one after he lost the five dollars. They boys, satisfied with their big adventure, went home and ate gelato. Ron
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HAHAHA. Love it, Ron! This is my good karma right here. I couldn’t ask for a better story, and I had all the pieces right here in my blog, which is full of truth, all truth! This is delightful and I’m so tickled that you put this together for me!
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Oh, dear, Ron’s comments above made me laugh so much I forgot what I was going to say. I think something about the plurality of the boys, boy or boys, made me confused, but I enjoyed the story and the grouchy old man and “I won anyway!”
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Thank you. I paused with that. I want one boy to push open the door, and for them to both see it together. Maybe names would come in handy. Thanks for your feedback.
Ron made me lose my concentration, I could barely write a response! Too funny!
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Oh, dear, Ron’s comments above made me laugh so much I forgot what I was going to say. I think something about the plurality of the boys, boy or boys, made me confused, but I enjoyed the story and the grouchy old man and “I won anyway!” Please check to see if you have the plurals right though – a boy pushes open the door and they see….
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Love the nonchalance of the, ‘I still win,’ although I’m wondering what emotions are racing round in him. I expected the door to close too so I’m glad they got out. Also like the pacing – the slower paragraph describing the church – separating beginning and end.
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Thank you, Sarah! I realize with a hundred words it’s a matter of what to focus on, what’s the more important thing. Thanks for your input.
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What a great blog! Thanks for sharing!
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A black rose … that’s not a good sign even in a tidy church
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Yes, you are correct, Bjorn!
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Do you do a lot of cutting to get it to 100 or do you write differently from the beginning because you know the word limit? Got to try one of these–I say that every time you inspire me with one of yours!!
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Hmm…it depends. Usually, I write well over 100 and I need to cut. You’ll see when you try it out, it’s not hard to write 100 words. The hard part is making those words into a story that sticks! You should definitely try it! It’s really helped my writing a lot. I’m so thrilled to be an inspiration. It’s a great group of people, too. They are very supportive.
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Thanks for the info. I’ve been reading yours for months and saying each week–I’m gonna try that. And then… You know how that goes. Gonna do it this time. Stay tuned!
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Cool! I can’t wait. I look forward to it, Ly.
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The black rose seems symbolic. You created an ominous scene. And then, out of nowhere, a boy appears and acts like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Except winning a bet, of course. Nice twist, Amy!
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Thanks, Anka. I appreciate the feedback!
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Wonderful idea, Amy! Skillfully executed, too!
Hahaha… if I was one of those boys I think I’d still be hiding up a tree somewhere (well, until I managed to fall out, anyway)!
🙂
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Thank you, Robert. I think you would fall out of that tree in the picture. That would not be a good idea!
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I made it back from my trip and got to read this just before this week’s Fictioneers start coming out in force. 🙂 I love the touch of the black rose. It seems there is a lot more going on here. Plus, that kid has some serious guts.
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