It’s time for Friday Fictioneers. Thank you Rochelle for hosting.
My contribution follows.
Copyright – Sandra Crook
Le Phantom
“Stage left, Nellie. Left,” the director slammed his clipboard.
Nellie knocked into a dancer, whose face soured on impact.
“I was trying to avoid the cat who wandered on stage? Didn’t you see?”
“I don’t care if your grandmother walks on stage, you keep going.”
She heard laughing and observed a man in loose, dark clothing sitting at the top of the theater. He hummed to himself while the cat climbed the stairs to sit on his lap.
While Nellie performed, his shadowy presence emerged in the audience or waltzed by her side on stage, and a calmness washed over her.
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Chills!
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Thanks, Cathy!
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Oh I like a good phantom story! Excellent!
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Thanks, Jackie. I wanted to do something about performing.
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I like it …. but can see it as creepy or romantic.
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Oh, good Frank! I think so, too!
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Nice!
You packed an awful lot into 100 words!
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Thanks, Guapo!
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I read romantic first… but after the comment I could see some wraith of a man there too.
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Nellie might have some reasons for revenge! Between you and me, I didn’t make a decision about it. If I were to rewrite this, I think I would. Thanks for your feedback, Bjorn.
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Hi Amy,
Those old theaters are filled with ghosts. A lot time ago I worked at an old movie theater and it was definitely haunted. And I often run into dancers when I’m getting down out of the floor, but that’s just because I’m clumsy. Different and eerie take on the photo! Ron
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Hi Ron,
I run into things all the time and I am a dancer. I have, in fact, fallen on stage. But, it’s all in the delivery. Theaters have a kind of a magical feeling to them and I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a few ghosts. Thank you! – Amy
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Was he a devil or a lover? More, please!
You make me want to do this Friday thing and I signed up a couple of weeks ago to get the prompt. I actually thought of a story for this week, but never wrote it. But, it’s not midnight yet.
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Thanks!
Oh, write it, write it! Do it, Ly!! I can’t wait to read it…Any questions, I’m happy to help.
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You can post a story up until Tuesday night before the next prompt some out, so as they say, “Just do it!” We always love having new writers.
janet
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Hey, there. Thanks for the encouragement! Will see what develops.
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Hey, thanks Janet! I didn’t even know that. Thanks for chiming in.
Amy
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OK! I just did it–thanks for the push.
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That sounds a bit like me, all in black with my cat 🙂 lol
A wonderful posting with a touch of class, I like this one…
Andro xx
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Ah, thanks Andro. I picture you in all black with a cat. I can totally see it. Glad you enjoyed it.
Amy
xx
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Fantastic as usual. Ghostly and yet,comforting.
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Thanks, Audra. Ooohh, I love your comment. I like that it offers a little of both.
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I wasn’t sure if it was the Phantom of the Opera, the Devil, or some other, and that’s what makes the piece work well. We don’t know. I’m pulling for the Devil here.
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Oh Perry, you would. Ha ha. I won’t tell! Thanks for your feedback.
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Performers and directors make for a tough crowd! Phantom is a good description for the cat’s owner.
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Patti, believe me I know. Everything can appear harmonious on stage, right? But backstage, ha! Anything, but. Thanks!
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Very nice, Amy. I love the sense of mystery, theater and drama here…. good pacing, and well written. Wonderful!
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Such nice words for me. Thank you, Dawn!
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What was the Play? Great story
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Hmm…have any suggestions? Thank you!
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Nothing I like better than a sexy ghost. Nice one Amy.
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Thank you, Sandra. Ghosts can be sexy, too! They don’t have to be scary all the time. Thanks!
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Dear Amy,
I’m intrigued by the man with the cat but am not even going to hazard a guess as to who he might be. You left me wanting to know more. Nice one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, thank you. Thanks for your lovely comments!
Amy
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Dear Amy,
‘He hummed to himself, while the cat climbed the stairs to sit on his lap.’ I’m thinking you could 86 the comma and have a smoother ride with this sentence.
‘When performing, he beamed at her from the audience or waltzed at her side on stage, and a calmness washed over her.’ This sentence makes it sound like he’s the one performing and the mental gymnastics required to sort out who’s whom detracts from what started as an intriguing mystery. I’ve spent the last forty minutes torturing Sergey Brin and Larry Page, but they’re not talking. Who is the dancing, cat loving, thespian muse?
Aloha,
Doug
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Doug,
Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate you taking the time. I’m always happy to 86 a comma. Done. That last sentence I had actually written a completely different way the first go around. Maybe it was better the first time. If you’re doing mental gymnastics, eek, I haven’t done my job! I’ll try to sort it out. As for our Phantom, my guess is as good as yours.
Thanks,
Amy
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It’s funny how we can all get different things out of so few words. For me the “phantom” man would be her father, so there would be no “sexy” in it. That last line just makes me feel that he is how I would picture her father. Beaming, proud, protective, a safe haven.
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Michelle, I did see him as protective as well, with nothing really sinister going on although, it certainly could that direction. As for the sexy, I’m not sure how that is coming into this, but I’m not complaining. I think it’s interesting how people have their own interpretations. Thanks for your input!
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Amy, you definitely got the sense of mystery across and left us to make up our own minds as to whom and why.
janet
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Thank you, Janet. I’m glad you felt a sense of mystery. Thanks for reading! – Amy
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I did like the idea of something watching over her in her performance that night, but, like Doug, I did wonder if it was the cat dancing with her or the man. The story did get a little confusing, although it was lovely all the same.
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Thanks. Noted. Sometimes in the interest of space, clarity is lost. I need to rework this last part. Thanks for your feedback and for reading!
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Wasn’t there a movie, The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing?
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Hmm…I hope so, Russell. I would watch it.
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Geez, its bad enough to be stalked but by a phantom! Poor girl.
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haha i agree with sandra, the phantom did seem kinda sexy 🙂 mysterious story. enjoyed it ^^
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I wonder what his ultimate intentions are? He already seems to have formed a bond with Nellie (I’m sure if I felt a shadowy presence I would feel anything but calm!). I hope he’s just her muse and intends her no harm…
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I smiled when I read this most awesome line. “Nellie knocked into a dancer, whose face soured on impact.” Boy, I’ve seen that expression a few hundred times.
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Thank you, Russell. Oh boy, so have I. It’s unforgiving.There are no excuses, right?
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Sounds like the real Phantom of the Opera. I like the ending; he really is looking out for her, like a guardian spirit. Is this supposed to be someone she used to know or just a spirit that appreciated her not stepping on his cat?
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Thanks, David. I think of him as protecting her. It’s his space and she’s passing through and needs him. Kitty was never going to get stepped on…
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Ooh, who or what is this dark shadowy man with a black cat that sometimes causes her trouble and sometimes makes her feel calm? Mystery and suspense this is.
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Thank you, Ann! Hopefully, he won’t get her into any trouble.
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Great story – little bit scary 🙂 My first thought was, the man in black could be death – but no cat would sit in HIS lap, I guess. Definitely a story that sounds like more than a hundred words,
Liebe Grüße
Carmen
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Carmen,
Sorry for the delay if I didn’t respond to your comment! It got a little lost. I appreciate your generous comments. I see him more as a protector, and not death. Although, if I wanted to go in a creepy direction, he could be manipulative and sinister, too. Thanks for reading. – Amy
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It must be a good sign he didn’t throw any phantom fruit! Er… wait… do phantoms even throw fruit any more?! That kinda makes me sound like I’ve been haunting the wrong century, doesn’t it?! Seriously, though… very cool, Amy! What a great idea!
🙂
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Thank you, Robert. These prompts have been tricky for me lately, but I’m always glad I follow through with a story. Phantom fruit, I love it! Now that’s an even better idea! 🙂
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Ah. Who is he? Full of atmosphere.
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Hmm….not sure. But I’m glad you felt some mystery. I love that you thought it was full of atmosphere. Thank you!
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