Flash Flood – Friday Fictioneers – 10/18/13

Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. Special thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for taking care of us every week. Today’s photo is provided by Janet Webb. Thank you, Janet!

All writers are welcome to give this challenge a try. See the Fictioneers link for guidance.

Genre: General Fiction 

Copyright – Janet Webb

Flash Flood

One moment feeds into the next. Clouds layer and darken, a lash of the wind, yet no prediction of the outpouring of the skies that will drown the earth and take everything in its path. Swept up in her fury, the gleaming shopping cart filled with food transforms into debris and trash, mingled in a concoction of trees, cars, trailers and mud. Nature’s crushing wrath does not discriminate and does not name her victims. The innocent have no notice nor plan. A  hand emerges from the water, a life spared and reclaimed.

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68 thoughts on “Flash Flood – Friday Fictioneers – 10/18/13

  1. The pace of your piece is a defiite contrast to the still solemnity of the pic.
    Very well done!

    (If I did one, it would probably be something about the skeletons of robotic flamingos…)

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    1. Thank you, Guap. I’ve been through one flash flood, a 500-year one! Although I did not experience it first hand, parts of the city were really wiped out. I thought of it when I saw this prompt.

      Oh, please do it!! Pretty please.

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  2. Dang, as a subscriber, not sure why your post got delivered the next day! I’m always late to the party. :-p The tension of an impending storm are captured here, Amy: the mood, the build up to the strike… wow. Check 3rd sentence; there’s an extra word there. I think you don’t want/need “her.” Well done.

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      1. Hmm, weird. I thought previous comments were posted last night. I’ve noticed that sometimes I see a post from a blogger, and get there to find piles of comments in front of me.

        Now your word count is even tighter! 🙂

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  3. Your story really worked–the constant motion, the desperation. We’ve had three “100 year floods” in the last 25 years, so it really creates a sense of dread for me. Well done!

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  4. Dear Amy,

    Here, as requested, are some of my thoughts. ‘Unsuspecting clouds layer and darken…’ What does this mean? (I think I know what ‘you’ meant, but am sure there’s a better, less confusing way to say this.) Then there’s this sentence… ‘Swept up in her fury, the gleaming shopping cart filled with food items in a parking lot yesterday transforms into debris and trash, mingled in a concoction of trees, cars, trailers, and mud.’ Try this on for size (and forgive me if this input is poorly delivered. Just telling you what struck me as I read your piece.) Here goes…Swept up in her fury, the gleaming shopping cart filled with food transforms into debris and trash, mingled in a concoction of trees, cars, trailers and mud. I removed the words ‘items in a parking lot yesterday’ because they are not necessary and just clutter up your story and I removed the comma after trailers because it is not necessary.

    These changes give you a few more words to use as you see fit to develop what I honestly think was a powerful piece with the potential to be even better.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Oh, Doug, thank you. Much appreciated. You have the perfect pitch in your delivery. I trust your judgement and value your opinion highly. Now that I read that sentence again I think it is a bit cluttered and clunky. As far as the clouds, I was probably aiming for economy, but as I remember them, they were so fierce, brooding, ominous but you had no idea that it would be quite so bad! The clouds are like the behind the scenes of a storm, the preparation, but as a spectator, you can’t imagine the show that’s coming your way. Layer and darken…hmm…well now that seems too simplistic.

      Thanks again for all your help and for taking the time!!

      Amy

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      1. Dear Amy,

        It is the beginning of that sentence that is off. Clouds can’t be unsuspecting. Their appearance might not lead you to suspect that they contain the coming storm within them, but the way you wrote it make it appear as if the clouds suspect nothing. The rest is clear as a bell.

        Aloha,

        Doug

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      2. Dear Doug,
        Oh, ok. I see what you’re saying. You’re right! Now I see it clear as a bell. I may enough for a whole other sentence now! But, I’m going to leave it for now. Thanks for all your help on this. I appreciate it very much.
        Aloha,
        Amy

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  5. After the floods here last month, your piece is even more poignant. We were spared, but it was and still is a very challenging time for many. You just keep getting better and better at these, Amy!

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      1. It was probably that flood in 1997, Amy. Spring Creek flooded when we got a weather pattern that dumped 11 inches on Fort Collins. Fortunately, after that flood, the city did a lot of work to mitigate the flood plain and it worked! During the floods last month, Spring Creek, which flows through the center of Fort Collins, did not flood!

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      2. Yes, Cathy! That is the one! I’m glad to hear they improved things after that one. That’s good to know. Colorado sure has been hit hard lately with flooding. I’m glad to hear Fort Collins has stayed clear of it.

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  6. Hi Amy,
    Usually I like to read stuff that is plot driven. But sometimes the writing is so good, the language used so beautifully, that reading it is like eating ice cream, and I don’t care if there’s a story or not. This is a fine piece of descriptive writing! Ron

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  7. So powerful, Amy! Very, very nicely done, indeed!
    It never fails to amaze me how nature can be so remarkably calm one minute and then so unimaginably destructive the next…
    (you’ve done an incredible job of giving voice to that, here… )

    Like

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