Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. Special thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for taking care of us every week. Today’s photo is provided by Janet Webb. Thank you, Janet!
All writers are welcome to give this challenge a try. See the Fictioneers link for guidance.
Genre: General Fiction
Copyright – Janet Webb
Flash Flood
One moment feeds into the next. Clouds layer and darken, a lash of the wind, yet no prediction of the outpouring of the skies that will drown the earth and take everything in its path. Swept up in her fury, the gleaming shopping cart filled with food transforms into debris and trash, mingled in a concoction of trees, cars, trailers and mud. Nature’s crushing wrath does not discriminate and does not name her victims. The innocent have no notice nor plan. A hand emerges from the water, a life spared and reclaimed.
AmyReeseWrites 
The pace of your piece is a defiite contrast to the still solemnity of the pic.
Very well done!
(If I did one, it would probably be something about the skeletons of robotic flamingos…)
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Thank you, Guap. I’ve been through one flash flood, a 500-year one! Although I did not experience it first hand, parts of the city were really wiped out. I thought of it when I saw this prompt.
Oh, please do it!! Pretty please.
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Wow, I thought I was caught in the middle of the Great Flood for a moment! Very well done, nice redemption at the end.
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Thanks, Perry! I’m glad it worked for you. I wanted some happiness at the end.
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Wow! You captured some intense motion in this piece – I could easily imagine the storm and flood. I think there would be some epic soundtrack music for this.
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Ha! I love that. Thank you, Tiffany!!
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You’re welcome!
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Like the feel of this piece…really feel the flood!
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Thanks!
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This is good! I like the end also, gives one hope even in the worse of circumstances.
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Thanks, Jackie. Hope does come out of these disasters, doesn’t it, in a most remarkable way.
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Dang, as a subscriber, not sure why your post got delivered the next day! I’m always late to the party. :-p The tension of an impending storm are captured here, Amy: the mood, the build up to the strike… wow. Check 3rd sentence; there’s an extra word there. I think you don’t want/need “her.” Well done.
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Oh, not late at all Dawn! I just put this out there today. Thanks for telling me about the extra word. I will fix it right away!
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Hmm, weird. I thought previous comments were posted last night. I’ve noticed that sometimes I see a post from a blogger, and get there to find piles of comments in front of me.
Now your word count is even tighter! 🙂
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Yes! 99 words!! I think that’s a first for me. No, just today I put this out because I was so stumped with this one. Sometimes that just happens. Thanks again!
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I often feel stumped. I look at the picture, think for a while and then come back to it… Other times, it’s right there, waiting to be typed. 😉
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Those other times are golden!
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Indeed. Have a great weekend, Amy!
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Fantastic piece Amy, very well written and such a powerful ending. Enjoyed this very much.
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Thanks for your lovely comments. I’m so happy you enjoyed it, Summer.
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Natures crushing wrath indeed. Powerful and then a last minute reprieve for some.
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Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Patrick, and for stopping by!
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Felt the strength of the storm in your words. Almost poetic!
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What a lovely thing to say! Thanks, Laura!
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I could just see that hand rising out of the water at the end. Powerful piece.
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Thanks, J.D. I appreciate it!
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You wove this so well, I could easily imagine being in this scene with all the sharp, colorful descriptions you gave. Poetic and well written.
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Thank you. That means a lot to me!
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Your story really worked–the constant motion, the desperation. We’ve had three “100 year floods” in the last 25 years, so it really creates a sense of dread for me. Well done!
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Thank you, Jan. I’m sorry to hear that you have experienced three 100 year floods. How horrendous. I guess it’s that global warming. Thanks for your thoughtful comments!
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Good illustration of the randomness of natural disaster.
janet
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Thank you, Janet! At least my shopping carts didn’t talk…I see that might be as bad as the flood story. There were really a lot of original ideas with this prompt! It’s a good one.
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Nicely done Amy.
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Thank you, Sandra!
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Excellent and nice spot of pathos at the end. MORE!
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Ah, you’re wonderful! Thank you.
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It was a pleasure to read
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i loved the intense descriptions in this piece… felt like i was there 🙂
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Thanks, kz. That’s such a lovely comment!
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Dear Amy,
A stark description of disaster. Makes one realize that “There for the grace of God…” I’m count my blessings.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, thank you for your kind words. They mean so much to me every week. Thanks!
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Dear Amy,
Here, as requested, are some of my thoughts. ‘Unsuspecting clouds layer and darken…’ What does this mean? (I think I know what ‘you’ meant, but am sure there’s a better, less confusing way to say this.) Then there’s this sentence… ‘Swept up in her fury, the gleaming shopping cart filled with food items in a parking lot yesterday transforms into debris and trash, mingled in a concoction of trees, cars, trailers, and mud.’ Try this on for size (and forgive me if this input is poorly delivered. Just telling you what struck me as I read your piece.) Here goes…Swept up in her fury, the gleaming shopping cart filled with food transforms into debris and trash, mingled in a concoction of trees, cars, trailers and mud. I removed the words ‘items in a parking lot yesterday’ because they are not necessary and just clutter up your story and I removed the comma after trailers because it is not necessary.
These changes give you a few more words to use as you see fit to develop what I honestly think was a powerful piece with the potential to be even better.
Aloha,
Doug
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Oh, Doug, thank you. Much appreciated. You have the perfect pitch in your delivery. I trust your judgement and value your opinion highly. Now that I read that sentence again I think it is a bit cluttered and clunky. As far as the clouds, I was probably aiming for economy, but as I remember them, they were so fierce, brooding, ominous but you had no idea that it would be quite so bad! The clouds are like the behind the scenes of a storm, the preparation, but as a spectator, you can’t imagine the show that’s coming your way. Layer and darken…hmm…well now that seems too simplistic.
Thanks again for all your help and for taking the time!!
Amy
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Dear Amy,
It is the beginning of that sentence that is off. Clouds can’t be unsuspecting. Their appearance might not lead you to suspect that they contain the coming storm within them, but the way you wrote it make it appear as if the clouds suspect nothing. The rest is clear as a bell.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Doug,
Oh, ok. I see what you’re saying. You’re right! Now I see it clear as a bell. I may enough for a whole other sentence now! But, I’m going to leave it for now. Thanks for all your help on this. I appreciate it very much.
Aloha,
Amy
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… and the zombie emergences to push the cart into the parking lot stall.
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It’s hard not to go there, huh?! It’s merely the beginning of the zombie apocalypse….Ha ha! Thanks, Frank.
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But at least they put the cart in the proper place.
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At least for now… 🙂
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And, not withstanding the helpful critique from Doug, I found your story vey moving, reminding us of how indiscriminate disaster is.
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Thank you! Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I’m glad you pulled that idea from this. Great!
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After the floods here last month, your piece is even more poignant. We were spared, but it was and still is a very challenging time for many. You just keep getting better and better at these, Amy!
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I’ll never forget the flood I experienced in Fort Collins. I’d have to look up the year. It will always stay with me. Thanks for your words of encouragement, Cathy! As always, thanks for reading.
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It was probably that flood in 1997, Amy. Spring Creek flooded when we got a weather pattern that dumped 11 inches on Fort Collins. Fortunately, after that flood, the city did a lot of work to mitigate the flood plain and it worked! During the floods last month, Spring Creek, which flows through the center of Fort Collins, did not flood!
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Yes, Cathy! That is the one! I’m glad to hear they improved things after that one. That’s good to know. Colorado sure has been hit hard lately with flooding. I’m glad to hear Fort Collins has stayed clear of it.
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Amy, great piece about the capriciousness of nature. We say peace and safety and then sudden destruction. It’s all too much of a reality, unfortunately.
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Thank you, David. I agree is all too much of a common reality these days!
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Hi Amy,
Usually I like to read stuff that is plot driven. But sometimes the writing is so good, the language used so beautifully, that reading it is like eating ice cream, and I don’t care if there’s a story or not. This is a fine piece of descriptive writing! Ron
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Thank you, Ron. I had a trouble with a story this week, but I did it anyway! Thanks so much for your wonderful comments! Amy
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Oh this is amazingly well writtine.. like an oil painting of words…
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Oh, can I marry you?! That was really nice, Bjorn. Thank you!
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Great descriptive piece, brill 🙂
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Thanks, Helen! I appreciate that.
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Succinct and action-packed. Got the complete story in…seconds! Great!
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Thanks for your lovely comments!
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my pleasure…
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So powerful, Amy! Very, very nicely done, indeed!
It never fails to amaze me how nature can be so remarkably calm one minute and then so unimaginably destructive the next…
(you’ve done an incredible job of giving voice to that, here… )
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Ah, you’re so very kind. Thanks, Robert. It is amazing, isn’t it? There’s nothing quite like the power of nature. I hope she continues to be nice to me.
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