The Day My Keys Lost Themselves

Purse. Sunglasses. Water bottle. Check. Keys?…

You know that moment of panic.

Fact 1: When you lose your car keys everything comes to a screeching halt.

Keys? Where are the keys? I just had them, didn’t I? They were just here, weren’t they?

After combing through my purse, pockets, jacket, the places I had been, had not been, the couch, the counter tops, under the table…they were nowhere, although we were positive they were in the house…somewhere!

Fact 2: You lose your keys when you’re late or hungry (tired is a given).

It so happens, I was on my way to pick up Teriyaki Chicken bowls. Starving, tired, with the house properly ransacked, we agreed ordering out for pizza delivery would be a temporary fix.

Myth 1: If you stop looking for your keys, they will appear before your eyes.

The Force will take care of us. The keys would turn up when they’re ready. Just go about your business. It’s not so bad being home bound. You can get all those little projects done and laze about. The morning turned into afternoon. Still. No. Keys.

My dad tried to console me over the phone, “Look in the most obvious places. Maybe they’re in your pocket. Maybe they’re hanging up where right where they should be. You’ll wonder how you could have missed them!”

photo (68)
Nope. None of these. They’re not in their spot.

Yeah, and maybe I ate them in my sleep and they’re at the bottom of my stomach, huh? Did you think of that? And I’ll have to cut myself open with a knife and…

When she lost her keys, she lost her fucking mind.
When she lost her keys, she lost her  mind.

I’m not exaggerating. The missing keys dominate your every thought and action. Have you seen the keys? Have you looked through the clothes? The washer? The dryer? Are they in the fridge? The ice box? You feel like someone is playing a little prank on you. The kids did it. They’re the ones!

A fog wraps around your brain and now you can’t quite remember if you actually picked up those keys. Did you actually see the keys? Ever? And husband, do you know for sure if you actually hung them up? What if they’re not in the house? They could be anywhere.

Maybe I should split open this bean bag. It’s on a shelf five feet above my head. A little bird flew in and snagged it, and she took it up to her nest. You can see the possibilities are endless. What you need is a pep talk.

Myth 2: Talking about your problem with friends and loved ones will make you feel better.

Just no. Their first question will be, “Don’t you have a spare?”

Now that would be the solution to my little problem, wouldn’t it? They look to you as if you have the power to make the keys materialize before their eyes. If you just think a little harder you can will them into existence.

And making a copy from a set that doesn’t exist…well, I don’t know if that’s even possible.

I feel so much better. Thanks.

My Advice: Backtrack…It’s obvious.

After endless searching, we decided they are not in the house. In fact, since my husband is such a creature of habit, he couldn’t have possibly have hung them up because they were not hanging up in their place. Otherwise, they would be there. Simple. Somewhere between exiting the car to entering the house, the keys were lost. You know…they lost themselves. Hmm…

So backtracking…you threw out the trash from the car…

Uh huh…this led to a search in, what else…

THE GARBAGE:

Do you see the sparkly thing among the coffee grounds? (Restaged because...social media)
Do you see the sparkly thing among the coffee grounds? (Restaged because social media.)

And…alas…THE KEYS!

The best thing is that it wasn’t even my fault!

Do you have a spare set of keys for your car? Don’t go telling me you do to make me feel all bad and stuff. But, if don’t, seriously get one. That was a close call.

photo credits: raganmd via photopin ccExpress Monorail via photopin cc

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90 thoughts on “The Day My Keys Lost Themselves

  1. Ah hahaha ! I lose my keys so often its listed on my gravatar & blog title (I swear!) Though its NOT always my fault, hubby is prone to taking them ….. we now have several sets…so we can look for more than one at a time….

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  2. I loved this story! This is so my life. They’re always in my purse but I still search the entire house before I realize that. I had to get a spare to keep in my wallet as I locked my keys in my car so many times my parents (this was when I was in college) couldn’t take anymore rescue me phone calls!

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    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one! I hope you don’t lose your wallet with your spare. I guess that’s the other side of this. More spare sets can mean more lost keys! I always heard it ‘s a good idea to give a spare to your neighbors. Of course, then they could lose them. It’s endless. But I’m glad you got yourself a spare set. I learned my lesson.

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      1. Ok I have to tell you that after reading your post this morning and very carefully not forgetting my keys so I could drive to ice skating I forget, wait for it ice skates! Which I didn’t realize until I pulled up at the ice rink. But at least I had my keys in order to drive home, get said skates, and drive back to said ice rink again! I hope this makes you laugh as much as I did.

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      2. Ha ha ha!! Yes, it did!! That’s so funny. Whew! Thank God you had the all important keys. There’s always something to forget. I feel like I need a check list every time I leave my house.

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  3. True story from last week:
    Me (dressed, ready to leave, jacket zipped over my pullover): WIFE!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY KEYS?!?
    Wife (also ready to leave; rolling her eyes): Did you look in (lists places I’ve dropped them before.)(Including refrigerator.)
    Me: THEY AREN’T THERE!!!
    After 10 more minutes of frantic searching, we leave and decide I’ll just wait til my wife gets home to let me in.

    2 hours later, a phone call from me to wife:
    Me: Sorry
    Wife: For what?
    Me: I found my keys. They were in my pullover pocket. Sorry…
    Wife: Loud laughter

    Ah well…

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    1. HA HA HA! I feel your pain, Guapo! I bet your wife had a good laugh. In the end, if feels good to laugh about it. With all that stress, you know you earned it! Thanks for sharing. That’s what they always say, they’re usually right in front of you, or in this case, on you.

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      1. Saddest part is, I’ll bet $20 I do it again next week, and not remember this at all.
        Or even worse, think “Nah, no way I put them in that pocket again.”

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    1. Oh no, Samara. I hope they’re not always in the garbage. From now on that will be definitely be included in the search. I’m sure this won’t be the last time. Key-polka wallet waltz, ha ha. Do you play music while you look too?

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  4. I am so very fortunate I do not have to look for keys before I go anywhere. I have a car with keyless entry and ignition. So they stay in my purse and I have a clicker to get in the garage that NEVER leaves my car so I don’t even need a house key. But when I had my previous vehicle I was forever losing my keys. NOW it’s my glasses! I can never find them when I am about to leave!! LOL! And yes…..I always look on top of head first! How does that saying go? “Of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most!” 🙂
    (do not ever forget it was HIS fault.you may need to remind him later when it IS your fault) ha ha!

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    1. I had a friend with one of those keyless entry cars that was capable of ignition without a key…but without her key she had no way of restarting her car once she stopped. Does that make sense? It’s always something! But to not ever need a key, now that sounds like my kind of solution! Sunglasses are my other one and I hate to leave without them. We can’t have that glare in our eyes. Yes, this is documented now so I will never forget it’s HIS fault. Ha ha. In the end, we were just soooo happy they were found!

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  5. Ah the WHERE ARE MY KEYS!!! panic… I have 3 places I always put my keys and god-help-me if I deviate from that else I will be completely in a panic. It matters not that I have a spare set that my husband keeps, it matters not that I have a house key on every set of keys I carry around, it only matters that I have THOSE EXACT KEYS that I misplaced.

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    1. Ah Denise, it sounds like you know the panic well!!! Three places? Hmm…does this help?! And to have those exact ones, that’s fascinating. And what happens if you get the other ones? I’m pretty happy if I have THE set, since it’s my only set. Now, I must get another soon, very soon….

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      1. I have a caribener (sp) clip on my backpack/purse that I clip them to almost automatically, or else I put them on the pantry by my sunglasses…or by the shoe bin… that’s it… the same for my glasses – if they go anyplace else, they’re ‘lost’…I’m a creature of habit in stuff like that b/c I hate to misplace stuff. The clip was the best idea yet.

        Yes, I have 3 bunches of keys b/c my FIL and father both told me that it’s bad for my steering column if there’s too much weight on the key ring – so I have a couple different sets for bikes, car and misc.

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      2. Very good, Denise! You sound organized with all your separate keys. I need one of those clips for the outside of my purse. Would that work? My purse is like a black hole and everything gets lost in it. My husband has special places for things…why we knew that that he never put them there! He has a special place for shoes and my things he puts away in certain places. I’ve come to expect it now. It does keep me sort of organized until I put them somewhere else and forget, of course.

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      3. My husband is like yours – he’s annoyingly organized. I’m just habitual in where I put certain things b/c I have to be not b/c it’s my natural inclination!

        The clip works great – it’s on my strap and I always know they’re there 🙂 The other keys live inside my purse in a zipped pocket that I never actually have to use 🙂

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  6. Oh Amy, I can totally sympathise, just last month I took out the garbage with my keys in my hand and despite making a mental note to be careful with my keys, I opened the wrong fingers and the keys fell out. The worst bit is it was into a 5 foot tall bin full of horrible stuff and the keys went to the very bottom. I tipped the bin over on its side and took out a foot or so of gunk before I used some long handled branch cutters to retrieve them.

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    1. Oh no, Stephen!! You had far worse than me, except you knew where they were! Oh, yucky. That’s funny how you even told yourself, and there they fell out of your hands. I can’t help buy laugh a little. I’m glad you got them back. What we wouldn’t do for our keys!

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  7. I do have a spare set of keys, but that is only because I lock my keys in the car so often that my husband has to have a set to come rescue me with. It is a serious problem. If we ever divorce, it will almost certainly be because I asked him to save me from a parking lot one too many times.

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    1. Ha ha, Jennie! Oh, that sounds like true love to me. He’s your prince come to save you (in the parking lot)! At least you’re consistent. There’s that. So far, knock on wood, I haven’t had that issue. I’m hope I didn’t just jinx myself!

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  8. I went and got another spare for my car made just a couple weeks ago, Amy, because (drumroll) we lost the second key. Luckily, there’s a great lock-and-safe store here that will use their computer to duplicate the chip and make a spare car key for half the cost of the car dealer. The nice woman behind the counter even threw in a free battery for the fob of the spare key I have for my wife’s car. And she said to me: Now that you had another spare made up, the misplaced key will show up. Nope. Maybe it was at one time in the garbage at the curb.

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    1. See, I was that close to the garbage at the curb! Yikes! It’s a good thing you had the spare and hope the other one shows up because you can’t have too many keys, Mark. Am I right? Our fob no longer works and our car maker (Saturn) is out of business. I hope someone can make our key. I’ve learned to live without the fob, although I sure miss it!

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      1. You might want to call up lock and safe companies near where you live, Amy. I can’t believe that the one in Syracuse, N.Y., is the only business that’s learned it can undercut car dealerships and still make a profit. I think the one here is a local place. It’s called Fradon Lock. Also: I’ve found that the kiosks in malls that sell watches and stuff will gladly sell you a battery and put it into your fob. Let me know if that works out for you!

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      2. Mark, thank you so much! You’ve been so helpful. Here I thought we would just never have a fob again. I never would have ever guessed that kiosk in the mall could help. Thanks for all the info. I really appreciate it!

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      1. What happens to me is – I look for the keys and I find the nail-file. I look for the nail-file and find the scissors. I look for the scissors and find the ring I lost 10 years ago! LOL – and then I can never find them again 😉

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  9. Um, I’m almost afraid to say this, but here goes. I have NEVER lost my keys! Never! Truth. From the time I started driving I have clipped my keys to my purse, because my purse is an extension of myself and I never forget my purse. Now I have lost my glasses a few times, that was before I had to wear them all the time. Now I never do. I have however put things in weird places, like the pepper shaker in the freezer, or something like that. But my excuse for this is I had my mind on other things. hahaha. I’m glad you found the keys Amy. And I’m glad it wasn’t your fault! 🙂

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    1. Denise mentioned the clip! Hey, I need one of these, Jackie. It sounds like it works. I can’t believe you have NEVER lost keys. I think you are the first here on my blog. Well, congratulations! I seem to lose mine on a weekly basis usually because my mind is on something else. There’s so many things we can lose, so I don’t think I do too bad. And this, this wasn’t my fault as you know! Ha ha.

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      1. You really should get a clip. It’s second nature to me now to just clip my keys to my purse when I get out of my car. And I always know where my purse is. 🙂

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  10. Hi Amy 😀 LOL. You will have to train yourself. Get into the habit of keeping your keys in one place. Never leave them on a hall table or on a hook by the front door with a letter box. Car thieves fish for keys with a hook on a long pole and bingo your car is gone. Problem solved if you’ve lost your keys though 😉 Ralph xox 😀

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    1. Problem solved except I’ll never drive my car again. Hmm…then I have another problem. Ha ha. I try to put them in one place, Ralph. They are on a hook NOT by the door. But, you know, I get distracted and all…It just seems inevitable that I lose them from time to time. Hence, the need for the spare. Amy xox

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  11. I was smiling the entire time I was reading your story! Yes, we lose keys, glasses, scissors, etc. in our house all the time. We kid about having a “black hole” in the house (maybe several). If we ever find it, it’ll look like the bargain basement at a Thrift Shop. Thanks for your beautifully written story!

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    1. Steve, I’m so happy I could make you smile! We must have this same black hole at our house. If only I could locate it. I think it’s in my closet under the cat’s pillow. I just have a feeling. Thanks for the kind words and for stopping by! – Amy

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  12. Speaking of ignitions…what’s also fun to do is once you hurriedly exit the vehicle, lock all doors and slam the final door closed only then do you notice…sigh…the keys dangling from the ignition inside the now locked vehicle.

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  13. Hella! Look at all these great comments! Obviously universal misery. I already shared my horrible story, when your keys were missing… but finding them in the garbage really wins. Gotta say, as this played out last wkend, I smelled a blog post. Bravo for making it so clever and fun, Amy.

    Sadly, right up until her death, my mother in law was plagued by wondering where her keys went. Not so funny, but she and I joked about it right to the end.

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    1. Thanks, Dawn! Everyone has a story about lost keys. In fact, it’s almost a weekly occurrence for many people. Thanks. I appreciate that. While I was so frustrated searching for my keys, a blog post was brewing!

      I’m glad you could joke with your mother-in-law and find the humor in that. Perhaps, she’s really laughing about it now.

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      1. That one never works for me because usually my ringer is down too low! Yay!! Have you ever kept dialing your number trying to listen for your cell phone knowing your ringer is on mute? Sad, indeed.

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  14. I lose mine all the time too, and have a spare set. My husband bought me this thing (Zomm?) for my birthday one year. It synchs to your phone, and can locate your keys through an alarm on the key chain. It doubles as a reminder not to forget your cell phone when you leave the house. Great idea in theory except the alarm would go off on my phone every time I was more than 50 feet from my keys. I eventually just had to turn it off.

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    1. Rachelle, I wondered if such a thing existed. Here it is! It sounds good in theory. Of course, it wouldn’t work, . right? That would be annoying all right. If it’s not keys you lose, it’s something else anyway. Like the cell phone. How are you? Good to see you!

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  15. Ahhhh seriously aggravating stuff. And those hooks that helpfully say keys…..why are my keys never there? How do they get on that hook anyway? And when I do remember to put them on, how do they get off and end up in the bathroom sink?

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  16. Amy, I’m terrible (or great, however you look at it) at losing things, so I feel your pain. There’s really no way to forget about it until you’ve found whatever you’ve lost. We need cars that will open and start just by mind control (under the night we have a nightmare about driving and the car drives away on its own 🙂 ).

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    1. Perhaps it’s just human nature, David, although there was one solitary blogger who said she’s never lost her keys! And, I don’t even believe her. Mind control cars would take care of the key problem and leave it wide open for a whole mess of other problems! I’d be willing to give it a go though. 🙂

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  17. My roly-poly Italian mom used to pray to St. Anthony when things went missing. She swore it worked.

    Twice in the past two weeks I “lost” my glasses only to find them on top of my head. I’m a bit older than you and I know what’s in store, but I won’t say anything. I don’t want to spoil the surprises.

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    1. I’ll pray to St. Anthony…anything! I will try that one next time, because there will definitely a next time, of course!

      Good one! I’ve done that one, too. I’m probably not too far behind you. Ha ha!

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  18. Amy, this post made me laugh! Being that my hubby and I are TOTALLY sleep deprived from having a baby, we’re always on a hunt for our keys. Though I gotta confess, my husband is a repeat offender. I won’t even mention the number of times he asks me about his wallet. It’s like a perpetual game of hide and seek!

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    1. I’m sure being sleep deprived is not helping matters, Anka. I can’t keep track of stuff even when I do sleep. Wallets are right up there with there with keys in terms of importance. Don’t lose that one! I guess hubby is keeping you on your toes.

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  19. Okay, don’t tell anyone, because it’s going to make me look like Bad Dad, but I always blame my kids when either my keys or my lip chap stuff goes missing. Always. And it’s never them. Never.

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    1. You can confess it here, Trendy Trent…you are not alone. The blame game comes in handy when you are feeling delusional and in the mood for self-seduction. I just thought I throw that out there. Your secret is safe with me.

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  20. Best invention this decade: the car key that lives in your purse and the car just knows it’s in there and agrees to start – it’s a miracle! I lose my pepper grinder instead. Last week I found it in the trash. Will never be able to explain that. Wait. Wine? Probably. I’m glad you found your keys – hooray!

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    1. Yes, the best invention for sure, Molly. Next, we’ll have the car that can drive itself. Life is not the same without a pepper grinder. I guess if we can’t find something, we should be sure to check the trash before we give up! Thanks, I was extremely happy!

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  21. Oh yes, I’m always losing my keys! I don’t think I’ve ever found them in the garbage though! Last year I was selling some things at a boot fair (if you don’t know what that is, it’s kind of like a big garage sale in a field where loads of people come with their stuff in their car, sets up a table (or just a blanket on the ground) and sells their things. Anyway, I didn’t lose my keys but after I had set up my stall I accidentally locked my keys inside my car, and to make it worse, my phone was in there too, so I couldn’t call anybody to come and rescue me! I had the kids with me too. For a while I felt completely at a loss about what to do! Luckily I knew where my spare car key was in my house, and so I had to ask a stranger to borrow their phone, and call my partner Neil to find my car key and come to me. That was the one time I was so grateful to have a spare!

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    1. Oh no, Vanessa! That’s a double whammy to lock the keys AND the phone. That’s a nightmare. I did that once and I locked my kid in the car too. He was 10 months old or so. I had to go to my neighbor’s house to call the fire department! Luckily, it wasn’t a hot day. Keys are just that critical piece! If they are in the wrong place or you don’t access, everything is out of whack! I’m so happy you had a spare. It’s so logical to have one. I still don’t have one as I type this. I haven’t had the time to go do it. I must promise myself that I will get this done! Thanks for sharing your story.

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      1. Oh goodness I locked my kid in the car too when she was also under a year old, and it WAS a hot day, the hottest, in Vegas like 110 degrees and my car had been sitting out in it outside my house for hours! I did the same thing as you, ran next door to call the emergency services. I was totally ready to smash the window if they hadn’t arrived within a few minutes but I obviously wanted to avoid that if possible to not shower her in broken glass. They got there so quick though, they were great. I was panicking terribly, it was awful, I felt so bad for being such an idiot!

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      2. Oh, I’m glad I’m not only one, Vanessa!! It was scary and the firemen were so helpful and nice about it. I started to panic when my son started crying. I tried to be calm for him, but I think I failed miserably at that. I’m glad with both had a happy ending. Oohh, 110 degrees! Yikes, that is scary, Vanessa!

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  22. My issue is the cell phone–the only good thing about having a house phone is the ability to call your cell phone when it goes missing. My keys are hooked to my wallet, though now I have a new car with a switchblade key so I have to unhook the car key now when I drive…..

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    1. I haven’t had a house phone in many years and I miss it for just this reason that you state. Otherwise, I haven’t missed it much! Usually, my husband can call my phone but only if my ringer is turned up, which often times, it isn’t. So, how can we make this the most complicated situation, right?

      Greydaisy, that sounds complex to have your keys attached to a switchblade! But your keys mean business. They sound like pretty tough keys to me.

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  23. This reminds me of a time when I actually smashed my own car window in order not to miss a date with a new girlfriend that I had been smitten with, yes drastic measures but the evening was a lovely one, and what about my car window I hear you say? Well I just replaced the whole door, back then (the olden times 😉 lmao ) doors for that model were easily come by and I fitted it myself so apart from the embarrassment of losing my keys, everything was good 🙂

    I always enjoy calling into your Space Amy 🙂 Have a wonderful evening my dear friend 🙂

    Andro xxxx

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    1. Wow, Andro! I think your story far surpasses my keys in the garbage story. And what a knight in shining armor you are to smash your window for a date. That must have made quite an impression. What a sweet story. I hope your date went well and it was worth it!

      Thank you. It’s always great to have your here. You have a lovely evening too, dear Andro.

      Amy xox

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  24. I cannot even begin to remember how many times I have searched through garbage. two I remember are yes…. car keys…. and the other…. one of my daughter’s friends retainers…. blecch! Loved the frantic feeling I got when reading this post…. as long as it is someone else who is frantic!

    Like

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