Put Some Hair There
“Put some hair on your chest,” said the captain.
A toothache left the fisherman convulsing.
“We can’t very well chop off your face,” and so he was airlifted to safety.
Since the toothache followed dinner, Boris, the ship’s cook, became the resident dentist. In his quest for dental instruments, he neglected his primary duty, fresh food.
His quiche, a crew favorite, and a perfect disguise for sprouted vegetation, had one moaning the night away, oozing pus and sweat; hair follicles pushed through his gums.
It stated “faulty instruments” in the coroner’s report, but no one ever requested quiche again.
*****************************
Genre: Humorous Sea Story (99 words)
Today’s story was inspired by my first and last fishing expedition, when a fisherman asked me if I wanted a cheeseburger as my face turned green.
Thanks to lovely and talented Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for her dedication to Friday Fictioneers, and to Ted Strutz for the photo.
If you’d like to give this a try, click HERE for instructions. All are welcome.
Please click HERE for more stories from the Fictioneers.
Photo copyright: Ted Strutz
Copyright – Ted Strutz
AmyReeseWrites 
Very descriptive of the poor fisherman’s quiche upset. I feel vaguely queasy 🙂
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The quiche was deadly. Poor guy. He had no idea of the risks involved. 🙂 Thanks, Alistair.
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Quiche quest. Quiche quest. Quiche quest. Say them fast.
A tray of pain. That’s what I see.
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This very easily could be a torture piece. Yep! That’s tricky to say fast.
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‘Oozing pus and sweat’—Ha, gross! I’m definitely not craving quiche this morning. Great piece!
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Ha, but I thought you liked gross! Just kidding. I bet you have a high tolerance for it. Sorry to ruin your appetite. 🙂
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I do have a high tolerance for it thanks to my boys. And I’ve been known to put a gross thing in my fiction now and then, too… 😉
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And perhaps because you’re a doctor?Gross definitely has its place. 🙂
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Wow! That must have been some expedition you went on that caused THIS story to be born. But, you really put it down and it made a great tale. Super, Amy!
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Ha! I’ve never been back. I truly thought I was going to die! Ok, not really, but it’s definitely not something I want to voluntarily sign up for. Thanks!
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Yummy – convulsing AND putrid! Excellent story ~
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Lovely thoughts for a Friday the 13th, Denise! Beware of the shockwave. Thanks.
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Cue the creeeeepy music
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The static, Denise…I’ve lost you. Come baaaack! I hope we meet again someday.
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hee hee – I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
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Whew!!! I was so worried!
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Oh the poor guy. What suffering!
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A bad fate, Melanie! Thanks.
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I’ll never look at Quiche the same.
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Oh, sorry about that, Shandra. Maybe just avoid the greens!
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Amy, I’m guessing your fishing experience left you with a lot of negative associations with fishing boats!
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You are correct! I will go on a boat so long as it doesn’t rock. 🙂
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Fantastic! Really well done.
And at last, proof why real men won’t eat quiche! 😉
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Guapo, oh so good to see you! Thanks so much! See, I solved the puzzle about why real men don’t eat quiche! I’m glad you made that connection. 😉
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I never liked quiche anyway. 😉
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Ha ha, Dawn! Thanks!
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I think at one point I heard that the northwest was the habitat of quiche-eaters.. so this is the reason why so is no longer the case?
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I’m happy to help clear that up for you, Bjorn! 🙂
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Inspired stomach-turner! And I was just thinking about what I want for dinner, Amy! Think I’ll go with a plate of Tums.
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My apologies! I guess I should have included a warning. Ha ha! Please enjoy your dinner, maybe something non-quiche related.
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Yikes! I won’t be eating quiche for some time, Amy 😉
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Be careful, Dianne! Thanks.
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Interesting, a cook that doubles as a dentist. A perfect Friday the 13th story, and with a full moon no less.
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It must have been the full moon that did this! I guess we all survived it. It was quite pretty. Thanks, Russell.
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Dear Amy, My goodness – I do love quiche, but there is a limit to the amount of nausea related stories I can take. Maybe this is a new diet I can be on. The cook as a dentist, and not a very sanitary one at that! Poor crewman that ate the wrong piece of quiche! CREEPY, and Nothing sounds good at all right now! Good job and what is it Julia Child used to always say? Nan 🙂
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I’m behind in my reading this week, Nan. Are there a lot of disgusting stories? Dental instruments plus the sea are just not a good combination for me. Bon appetite? I hope your appetite comes back. Thanks for reading.
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Good Lord, Amy! I’ll never eat quiche again. What a story!
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Thanks so much, Ted! Thanks for the photo, too. It’s a great one!
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Kind of reminds me of an old black-and-white film I just saw on TV, where the ship’s cook had no culinary experience whatsoever. However, it ended more happily since the crew loved his cooking. Excellent take on the photo prompt!
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I bet many ship cooks have interesting back stories. This crew usually liked his cooking! He just had a bug oops. Thanks so much!
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my pleasure…
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Fortunately I had quiche last night before I read this. It was delicious just like this story.
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Oh good that you had your quiche last night and what a coincidence! 🙂 Thanks so much.
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Amy, That poor man’s symptoms sounded like a scene from “The Fly”. Well written with great description. 🙂 —Susan
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Ha ha, “The Fly.” That’s a good one! Thanks very much, Susan.
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Strange I just had quiche for breakfast. Hoping no hair grows from my gums. Really odd/creepy tale.
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That’s funny! A lot of people have just recently had quiche. Odd comes naturally to me for some reason. Thank you.
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It will be awhile before I have quiche again, me thinks! Ewwwww…
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Me too, Michelle! Ha ha. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t eat it too often. 🙂
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Dear Amy,
Real sailors don’t eat quiche. 😉 Nauseatingly good descriptions.
I’m slow getting around this week myself.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks so much, Rochelle. I’m dragging this weekend. We do our best, right?
Shalom,
Amy
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Okay, well, that is several kinds of brilliant Amy. Funny and very cutting, and not a wasted word in sight.
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Okay, well, you are so kind. I’m blushing. Thanks, Trent.
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Dude, don’t blush, you rocked this. I loved it.
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Thanks, man. 🙂
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Gads ,,, and ouch!
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Thanks, Frank!
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Delicious (not) descriptions. The after effects of that quiche are scary – hair follicles pushing through gums – ouch and weird.
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It must have been the full moon or the power of quiche, Sarah. I’ll agree it’s a bit strange. Thanks!
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Ah, full moon was it? That explains a lot 🙂
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I will blame the moon! 🙂
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Amy, I think I’ll give quiche a miss for a while now… poor fisherman!
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Yeah, poor guy. He didn’t see it coming. Thanks, Tom!
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I think I’m the latest this week! Generally, I like quiche, but this has really turned my stomach… a sign of some good writing! 😉
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Thank you, Dawn! Everyone seems disgusted, so I guess I did good. 🙂
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