“I know your father. He comes in here like a cyclone,” said Uncle Bobby, eyeing the boy.
Jordan popped ice cubes into a glass, and filled it with water. He had built a fortress around him, impenetrable to the smell of his father, locking the doors before he heard footsteps outside. If his mother so much as heard his father’s voice, she buckled like a cardboard box.
“Did he want money? Keys to the car?” “He’s dead to me now.” Jordan’s voice shook as his face hardened like stone. “You heard me.”
“It’s only you, me, and the walls, son.”
***********************
Genre: Mystery (100 words)
Copyright – Mary Shipman T
Thank you to our wonderful hostess, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Please visit her Addicted to Purple blog for instructions if you would like to participate in this challenge. All are welcome.
Thank you to Mary Shipman for providing the photo.
Click HERE for more stories from the Fictioneers.
AmyReeseWrites 
great piece Amy
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Thanks so much.
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Love!!
http://www.fashionforlunch.net
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Thank you! I will be sure to stop by for a visit. 🙂
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yes! please do!
http://www.fashionforlunch.net
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Sad.
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True, very sad. I was just trying to work with the walls metaphor. I had not intended for it to be so sad. Thanks for reading, Sandra.
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This has a very ominous feel to me, Amy. Images are suggestive: the fortress impenetrable to father’s smell, ‘dead’, the stress on the walls, and the secretive uncle. Am I reading too much into it?
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I don’t know. What are you thinking exactly? I just wanted to concentrate on the walls in a metaphorical sense. Please do tell. I am so curious. Thanks for your comments, Karen.
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Ahh, I wondered if the walls stood not only for the walls the son was building up around himself, but also physical walls in which he’d put his father. His father smelt as he decomposed, the boy said he’s dead to him, the uncle said only ‘you, me and the walls’ know where he is. My imagination is obviously running on overdrive.
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Ooh, but I like it! I love your interpretation. Yeah, that’s what I meant. This is even better!! Thanks, Karen!
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Good job Amy! I hope he has an unscheduled accident. Great! Nan 🙂
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Thank you, Nan. 🙂
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she buckled like a cardboard box – these words say so much!!!
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Thanks so much! I appreciate that. I am kind of proud of that one.
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I agree with aliciajamtaas – “she buckled like a cardboard box” says it all, and very descriptively too.
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Thanks, Alistair! I appreciate that.
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If only walls could talk….I think we would ALL be in trouble! 🙂
Well done my dear….
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Right? Do we really want the walls to talk? Uh, no! Ha ha. Thanks, Courtney!
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Very powerful emotions in very few words…well done, Amy.
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Thanks so much, Jan! Thanks for the kind words.
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Took me a couple readings to figure out why Uncle Bobby was saying “It’s only you, me, and the walls, son,” but now I get it that all three are them are keeping the secret, even though the father is ‘one of the walls.’ Great job, very subtle.
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I only meant the walls can’t “talk.” But I like your interpretation, too. Thanks for taking the time. I feel I should be more complex now. 🙂
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Well my mind went to some pretty dim places as I read this. It’d be fun to fill in the blanks on this.
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Fill in the blanks as you like, Trent. I’ll admit this is a dark piece. Many dim ones this week with this prompt. Thanks so much for your comments.
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I’m glad you published this after Father’s Day, Amy. Hey, sorry I’ve been MIA. I was out on the West Coast (visited my dad for Father’s Day actually) and I’ve been taking some time off overall.
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So true. This would not have made a welcoming Father’s Day piece! I’m sure where this darkness came from. It slipped out. Thanks. No problem you have been MIA. I’ve missed you. It’s good to take some time off. I’m sure I’ll be doing that, too. It’s a good time to do it. I hope you had a nice trip out West!
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Well done, Amy! 🙂
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Thanks, Dianne! 🙂
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Such a dark and moody piece, Amy. I felt the tension, and wondered what would come next. Great job!
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Thanks, Dawn. I’m not sure why I went so dark. Thanks so much for your comments!
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I’ll say it again… it’s the wallpaper!
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Must be, Dawn!
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Humm. That hit a little close to home. Do you mind not doing that, please?
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Hmm. So sorry. I didn’t like writing this either, Mark.
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No need for apologies. I’m not that fragile. I’m not a proponent of “trigger warnings.” Face your fears.
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I didn’t think about a trigger warning. Well, I’m glad it didn’t upset you.
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You nailed this one to the wall, Amy. It makes me very sad. I am sending you something via FB for your other piece.
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Thanks so much, Michelle. I got it! You’re a doll! Thanks for thinking about me. It means so much to me.
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Sometimes a father’s the worst part of a boy’s life.. really love how you gave the details of his mother’s fear… well done.
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So sad, but true. The father is not always a role model. Thank you, Bjorn.
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Amy, This is a good story no matter how we interpret it. Well written. 🙂 —Susan
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Thanks so much, Susan. I appreciate your comments. 🙂
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Your last line is really strong – Uncle Bobby comes across really well. And Jordan’s not answering the questions, his small quiet actions, all illustrate the pain and hurt he’s going through. Well done.
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Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Sarah. I’m glad the story came across for you in this way. I just wrote it as I felt it, not knowing what would come through. Thanks for your feedback.
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Interesting piece, Amy. It’s open to so many interpretations as I read in the comments. We had a milk cow named Cyclone once, she didnt smell too good either 🙂
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A milk cow named, Cyclone! Oh, watch out for that one. Was she out of out of control? Thanks so much for your comments, Russell. I appreciate it.
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Dear Amy,
Chilling and sad. You captured the father with cyclone and smell. Also the mother buckling like a cardboard box says so much.
Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle. That was so sweet of you to read mine this week. I thought you were taking a break! It’s hard to do, isn’t it? Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments.
Shalom,
Amy
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One word for this special post “Unique”
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Thanks so much! Thanks for the follow.
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Amy – It reminds me the wailing wall in Jerusalem, the holiest shrine for Judaism. My other compliment your post has a magic and simple approach. BRAVO
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Awww, thanks so much for the kind words. I appreciate that. You’re very generous.
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