Only the Walls – Friday Fictioneers

“I know your father. He comes in here like a cyclone,” said Uncle Bobby, eyeing the boy.

Jordan popped ice cubes into a glass, and filled it with water. He had built a fortress around him, impenetrable to the smell of his father, locking the doors before he heard footsteps outside. If his mother so much as heard his father’s voice, she buckled like a cardboard box.

“Did he want money? Keys to the car?” “He’s dead to me now.” Jordan’s voice shook as his face hardened like stone. “You heard me.”

“It’s only you, me, and the walls, son.”

***********************

Genre: Mystery (100 words)

Copyright – Mary Shipman T

Thank you to our wonderful hostess, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Please visit her Addicted to Purple blog for instructions if you would like to participate in this challenge. All are welcome.

Thank you to Mary Shipman for providing the photo.

Click HERE for more stories from the Fictioneers.

 

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53 thoughts on “Only the Walls – Friday Fictioneers

  1. This has a very ominous feel to me, Amy. Images are suggestive: the fortress impenetrable to father’s smell, ‘dead’, the stress on the walls, and the secretive uncle. Am I reading too much into it?

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    1. I don’t know. What are you thinking exactly? I just wanted to concentrate on the walls in a metaphorical sense. Please do tell. I am so curious. Thanks for your comments, Karen.

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      1. Ahh, I wondered if the walls stood not only for the walls the son was building up around himself, but also physical walls in which he’d put his father. His father smelt as he decomposed, the boy said he’s dead to him, the uncle said only ‘you, me and the walls’ know where he is. My imagination is obviously running on overdrive.

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  2. Took me a couple readings to figure out why Uncle Bobby was saying “It’s only you, me, and the walls, son,” but now I get it that all three are them are keeping the secret, even though the father is ‘one of the walls.’ Great job, very subtle.

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  3. I’m glad you published this after Father’s Day, Amy. Hey, sorry I’ve been MIA. I was out on the West Coast (visited my dad for Father’s Day actually) and I’ve been taking some time off overall.

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    1. So true. This would not have made a welcoming Father’s Day piece! I’m sure where this darkness came from. It slipped out. Thanks. No problem you have been MIA. I’ve missed you. It’s good to take some time off. I’m sure I’ll be doing that, too. It’s a good time to do it. I hope you had a nice trip out West!

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  4. Your last line is really strong – Uncle Bobby comes across really well. And Jordan’s not answering the questions, his small quiet actions, all illustrate the pain and hurt he’s going through. Well done.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Sarah. I’m glad the story came across for you in this way. I just wrote it as I felt it, not knowing what would come through. Thanks for your feedback.

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  5. Interesting piece, Amy. It’s open to so many interpretations as I read in the comments. We had a milk cow named Cyclone once, she didnt smell too good either 🙂

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    1. Thanks, Rochelle. That was so sweet of you to read mine this week. I thought you were taking a break! It’s hard to do, isn’t it? Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments.

      Shalom,

      Amy

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      1. Amy – It reminds me the wailing wall in Jerusalem, the holiest shrine for Judaism. My other compliment your post has a magic and simple approach. BRAVO

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