“I did sit-ups to Berlin’s “Sex” song for the last two years. Do you realize how long the extended version of that song is?”
“Can’t say that I do,” Jill said, flipping through Cosmo.
“Seven minutes, thirty-eight seconds of pure torture,” I said. “Feel my abs of steel, my buns of steel. C’mon, touch it.”
“Oh, all right.” Jill patted my ass.
“At the “Solid Gold” audition, we line up and do one pirouette. That’s it. All those sit-ups for what?”
**********
The next day, she landed a spot in a Pat Benetar video. Her dreams were gold after all, baby.
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Genre: Humor (101 words)
Photo Copyright: Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
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I confess, there’s a bit of back story here. When I was a kid, I had a master class with a “Solid Gold” dancer. This guy Tony, in the middle:
Here’s a picture of the whole gang. Tony is in the back:
I watched the show religiously, I wanted so bad to be a Solid Gold Dancer. The following year, I took a master class with a dancer from a Pat Benetar video, and indeed, he played the “Sex” song while did our ab routine. But, I never made it to “Solid Gold” or a video! I don’t think I had the hair! I’m sure that was it.
Thanks as always, to our fearless choreographer, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Please visit the links page for fabulous stories from the Fictioneers.
The asses definitely have it these days. In my day, when we said “does my bum look big in this?” we were seeking reassurance not affirmation. Nice take on the prompt.
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Ha! That’s hilarious, Sandra. The asses definitely do have it. Thanks so much.
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Oh Lordy the Solid Gold Dancers..now there’s a flashback. Great take on the prompt. No big hair, Amy? Me neither.
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Solid Gold!! I can just hear the theme song, Audra. Remember how they always ended in one big heap at the last second? I had long hair, which probably could have been big. 🙂
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Heeellllppp! I’m falling into a wormhole! Throw me a line, for cryin’ out loud.
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Oh, you know you’re just lovin’ this Mark! I bet you’ll dream of Solid Gold dancers tonight. It will be pleasant until…you wake up.
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Talk about a blast from the past! I remember Tony. The 80s. What a decade.
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You remember Tony? I thought I was the only one who knew who he was. Ha ha. I had a mad crush on him. He was a very charismatic teacher.
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Unfortunately, I do remember. And thus have just dated myself…
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Oh now, we lived through the 80’s and that’s something to celebrate!
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I’ve never heard of these guys (an American thing maybe?) but we had dance troupes accompanying music on one of our pop shows in the 70s/80s (before music videos were big), and they all had “big hair” too 🙂
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Definitely American, Alistair. It sounds like what you had was pretty similar, especially if they all had big hair and all matching gold spandex costumes. They danced to all the latest hits. 🙂
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Yeah, that’s them exactly!
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The things we learn about you Amy Reese. You are certainly a woman of many talents. I remember the Solid Gold Dancers and Tony. With the talk of asses, I immediately picturing all those dancers with butts like Kim Kardashian. Those dance routines would have been impossible.
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Oh yes, this my little secret! The only time I wanted to move to L.A.! I dreamed of Solid Gold and tried to do all the dances. Of course, once I had a class with Tony, I was under a spell. It’s funny, I still remember him after all these years, watching him on that show. I’m not sure why I thought of all this again.You just never with these prompts. Agree, the butts of today would be impossible…hence the new dances of today.
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I’ve never heard of them either, Amy. You are pure gold anyway. Thanks for posting the pics as they made my afternoon and the world so much better 😀 xox ❤
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Aww, Ralph. You have a heart of gold. ❤ Anything to brighten your day and make the world a better place. And you thought you saw and heard it all…:)
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Nope. Every time I visit your blog I learn something different Amy 😀
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Cool! Thanks, Ralph.
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I laughed out loud at the indifference of Jill, the magazine and posterior pat. Hilarious! But, also, I like the background on the story. I didn’t know you had a dream of dancing on Solid Gold. Looks like we’re learning more about you. VERY cool. 🙂
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Posterior pat. That made me laugh. I’m glad Jill’s indifference came through. Secretly, I wanted to dance on Solid Gold, ever since taking the master class from Tony. I had dreams of dancing with him. By the end of his class, I felt like a Solid Gold dancer! 🙂
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Cool beans!
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Great story Amy! I do remember the Solid Gold dancers. You coulda been a contender! 😉
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I coulda, shoulda…I could have been up there, Jackie! Dancing with all those sequins and spandex. Thanks!
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Dear Amy,
By the eighties my abs were solid flab thanks to having been stretched above and beyond the call of duty and three pregnancies, one of those boys weighing in at 9 lbs.
Your story? Well choreographed. One pirouette or no, I think those abs and her buns were noticed. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wow, 9 lbs. That’s a healthy weight! Mine were both preemies with complications. But, healthy now! And, my body has never been the same.
Thanks so much. I never went to a Solid Gold audition, but now I wish I had had the experience. I’m sure it would have been wild. I had been to ballet auditions where they just line you up and then you’re excused! Thank you. Perhaps at least Jill noticed. 🙂
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AH.. a touch with fame.. I could see you dancing there Amy.. Just a small reality.. a few years ago I was welcomed to dance on stage with Terri Nunn at a corporate event… 🙂 that was fun.
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Ooh, you’ve had your own touch of fame! Wow! You’ve actually met her? I saw Berlin at Disneyland when I was there for a Graduation party. Too funny. I was not welcomed up on stage, however. 🙂
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I don’t have big hair or the boobs to make it as a dancer or a NFL cheerleader (not that I ever aspired to either, thankfully.) Fun story, Amy.
janet
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Thanks, Janet. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I danced in a ballet company for a spell, and some theater productions. I guess Solid Gold was not meant to be. But I was mesmerized by Tony for a long time. I laugh now.
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I was a Solid Gold dancer in our living room. Sometimes with a baton! 😄 Those were the days.
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Excellent! All right! That is the most fun way to be a Solid Gold dancer, Honie. I did many a routine in the living room on our red carpet. Ha! I bet you had some moves.
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I have a strong impression from the comments that this tale you told was spot on and you struck a chord, Amy. But I wouldn’t know Solid Gold from solid waste — until you wrote this post. I wasn’t living under a rock in the Eighties. I was just never a TV dance show person, back then or today. In the Eighties, I was working in TV commecial film production and those hours were looooooooooong. And then I had to tie one on with my friends after work. I don’t think I owned a TV until 1985. I was never home to tune into anything.
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V, it sounds like you were quite busy with TV commercial film production. I bet that required a lot of energy. Solid Gold, however ridiculous it was, is now a cherished memory. My sister and I watched every episode, and then of course, I had the class and felt like I knew Tony. I didn’t even speak a word to him. It was fun to dance and dream a bit, but deep down, I didn’t really think I would be a Solid Gold dancer. Maybe I can dress up at Halloween or something! 🙂
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Amy – I consider your presentation precious and elegant with music beat! I love you from my heart for you being the best writer:)
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Mihran, thank you for your most generous comments. Love to you. Thanks for all your support. 🙂
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Dear Amy,
Fantastic story. I was a Solid Gold Dancer in the eighties. Do you remember me? No? I didn’t think so….
This was a great take on the prompt and a lovely and informative bit of history about you. So cool to learn and so generous of you to put it into a hundred solid gold words.
Still have those abs?
Aloha,
Doug
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I was certainly a Solid Gold Dancer in spirit, Doug, and in my living room. I didn’t quite make it the auditions. I’m sure I would have had I know where they were! It was all about those costumes and the moves, which I had learned from Tony himself.
Thanks so much, Doug. Thanks for your generous comments.
Well, I do boot camp now, so you know, I still keep at it! It’s a bit more of a challenge these days. 🙂
Aloha,
Amy
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I have never heard of the Solid Gold Dancer, but this post made my day! I love watching these types of shows 😀
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The show was called Solid Gold. I had no idea there would be an unofficial web site. Ha ha. It was a show I watched a long time ago! I think the closest thing to that now would be “Dancing with the Stars.” But this was all about dancing to the top hits. So, no competition or anything! It was pretty goofy in an 80’s way, Dianne, but oh so fun. Thanks! 🙂
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I’ve got to do some sit-ups later, I’ll have to put the song on (might get lucky) 😉
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Hahaha!! Do you know the song? At the very least, you’ll be entertained. And, energized. It’s pretty upbeat. Have fun! 🙂
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Hell no – but we’ll see how it goes!
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Good luck! Hope it went well.
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I remember Solid Gold, of course, but in the 80’s I was already a bit older. I just wanted to dance to Sugar Magnolia at the most non-disco disco I could find. But hey, I’d like to land a spot in a Pat Benetar video too. Cool story!
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Pat Benetar always had all the cool dancing in her videos. I remember that! That would have been fun, huh Perry? Thanks.
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Having the hair was very important.
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Indeed, Dawn. It’s funny that a decade is defined by big hair.
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Well it’s not the first. Ever hear of the bee hive and how about that Marie Antoinette chick, now SHE had some big hair!
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Ha ha! Hair is always in style!
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LOL..yes it is!
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Amy, this was one of my favorite Friday Fictioneer posts!! I loved learning about your Solid Gold dancer dreams. I watched that show religiously, too. Also, I had no idea how long that song was–7 minutes. Definitely long enough to squeeze in a mini workout!!
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Anka, thanks so much!! This little story is based on my bits of my true life, but, alas, it’s fiction. I don’t know how long that song is. I pulled that number out of a hat! It just seemed like a long time to do sit-ups. I usually top out at about 4:30. So, I know this is long. The dream of being of Solid Gold dancer is all true! That’s so funny you watched the show, too. I’m glad you liked my little story.
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I had to go find that song on Youtube. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard it before. 🙂 When I was in university, my roommate and I did pushups and situps every night. The situps were always to U2’s “Bloody Sunday” so every time I hear that song now, I think of situps. 🙂 Nice story. I’m glad it all worked out for her.
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This particular song had been burned into my brain since I did sit-ups to it, just ONCE, mind you! All that groaning and moaning. It was pretty hysterical, and pretty racy considering I was a teenager. It’s funny how you can connect a song to an experience, especially with some form of exercise, as if your body remembers. I have a Donna Summer song that does that for me, since I heard it every day after a morning run when I did gymnastics. I will always think of that. “Bloody Sunday” reminds me of when our house flooded. 🙂 Long story. 🙂 Thanks.
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Perhaps you should be glad you didn’t have the hair for that…
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Perhaps, you are right. I’m sure these dancers were all miserable. Ha ha. All that hairspray and the spandex, and glitter!
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The Solid Gold Dancers! Whoa! Blast from the past… and man you blasted it gooood, Amy!
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Whoa! I know! I never would have guessed that my future self would be writing a story about Solid Gold. I never could have predicted this one, Dawn. Thanks!
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I’ve met her type before 😛 Such realistic dialogue.
I vaguely remember The Solid Gold Dancers. Ahhh…the things we think we want to be when we grow up, eh?
Ellespeth
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Once upon a time, I really wanted this. Now, it just makes me laugh. And, I bet those dancers had long rehearsals and they all hated each other. No, of course they didn’t! Thanks so much, Ellespeth.
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Ah, but all those sit-ups meant her pirouette showed off her assets beautifully. I’m drawn to Jill and imagine her as a long-suffering friends. As Doug said, thanks for sharing some your story with this. 🙂
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Thanks so much for your comments. I’m grinning from ear-to-ear. A pirouette shows off your assets quite nicely! Of course, all those sit-ups must have been worth it. It’s my pleasure sharing bits of my history. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
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Next time, maybe.
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You never know!
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That’s A LOT of exercising!!! Well worth it.
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Ha ha! Yes, it is! Thanks, Alicia.
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Loved the way the back story fit with the flash … and too bad you didn’t have the hair because I’m sure you would have improved the pic.
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Frank, I’m sure I have a couple of big hair pictures somewhere. Even if I didn’t try, you know, the big hair just kind of happened back then. Something in the air, I think. Thanks, Frank. Who knew I’d be writing about Solid Gold?!
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Once you find the big hair pics, there will be a post in the making.
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Well, I would have liked to have been a Chippendale’s dancer, but didn’t have the rhythm of Chris Farley or his understudy, Patrick Swayze. Great piece, Amy. I bet you would have made a great Solid Gold dancer.
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