(Genre: Fantasy, 101 words)
Beneath
“We got an open boat,” Joe said. “Old man Cassel was due hours ago. C’mon.”
“Paddling in that pea soup makes about as much sense as surfing a tsunami. You ain’t gettin’ me in that boat.”
“Is this about Nellie? That’s nothing but a campfire story.”
Heavy air shrouded them, erasing their shapes. The skiff knocked around in the choppy water like driftwood as they attempted to steer in one direction. The water swelled, pulling them toward the center of the lake.
Joe’s radio buzzed. “We got Cassell. C’mon back. Over.”
“I can’t see anything—”
Their final direction: under, below, beneath.
*****************
Do you believe in sea monsters? I happen to believe in them. Of course, I do. The sea is too deep for there not to be a monster. What do you think?
Thanks to Captain Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for commanding this ship, and to Georgia Koch for the photo!
All are welcome to participate in Friday Fictioneers. Click here for guidance. Please click on the frog for more stories from the Fictioneers. They won’t disappoint.
Well, it’s about time! I’ve been waiting for you.
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Ha! I hope you’re satisfied with my offering. You know, because I was little rushed and felt such pressure!!!
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I think we had similar thoughts this week, Amy. 🙂 Anything with a foggy lake of mystery is my kind of story. You created an interesting effect by restating the last word. I felt as if I were being pulled down further with every word. Great job. (And yes, I would like to believe in sea monsters. At least I keep an open mind on the subject.)
-David
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Cool! I’ll be over soon. Thank you, David. I didn’t know exactly what effect I was after, so I’m very pleased you got that sense. Very good! The sea is still such a mystery, isn’t it? Most of it is still unknown. I may try to write an underwater story someday with sea monsters, of course.
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I look forward to reading it whenever you do. 🙂
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Nice work, although I got confused between ‘Nellie’ (in the water) and ‘Nel’ (whose radio buzzed). I think you would have been better off changing one of their names 🙂
Still, I enjoyed it.
KT
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Thanks, KT. I didn’t dven realize i did that. Oh brother! Thanks for pointing it out. I’m changing it ASAP!
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Very sinister, and nicely paced. Well done.
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Thank you, Sandra.
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Dear Amy,
Their final direction was not where they had hoped to be going. There are sea monsters and you conjured one well.
Aloha,
Doug
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Indeed, Doug. I had a feeling you would believe in sea monsters. Perhaps, you’ve seen a few. Thanks! Aloha – Amy
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Dear Amy,
I’d like to be under the sea in a octopus’s garden in the shade. Oh wait, Beatles were last week. 😉 Effective dialogue moves this story through the waves.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, it can be Beatles week anytime. 🙂 Thanks so much. I appreciate that.
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How did you come to use the term “floater?” I was in the Coast Guard and that’s what we called them.
It’s not even close to Friday. Are you trying to tear a hole in the time/space continuum?
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You’re just full of mystery, Mark? Now I learn you were in the Coast Guard. I meant the term “floater” as a floating boat, I take it it’s to mean a person? Do you happen to know what a floating boat is called…an empty one? This mistake (if floating refers to a person) works, but changes my story a bit. Ah…one word can change everything. That’s what you learn doing this prompt!
Yes, that is exactly what I’m trying to do! Shh…but don’t tell anyone.
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A floater is a drown corps. Sorry. I like your definition better.
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Yes, that is what I thought after I read your comment. Oh, how sad. So, any term for an empty boat? Just curious.
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Ummm…lonely?
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Oh…sad.
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Really like ‘erasing their shapes’. So real.
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Thank you, Patrick. I’m glad you liked it!
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Do I believe in sea monsters? Eh, you know me–too much of a pragmatist.
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I always keep an open mind, Carrie, especially when it comes to the deep ocean. It’s such a mystery to us still. Thanks for reading!
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Do I believe in sea monsters? Eh, you know me–too much of a pragmatist. But I suspect there may be creatures we know little of living in that vast space. 🙂
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Exactly! I think we’ve only explored 5% of the ocean….which is just mind-boggling, isn’t it?
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“Under, below, beneath”, made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I’m not sure I would get into any kind of floating device with fog so thick I couldn’t see where I am. It just envelopes you. Nicely done, Amy.
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I’m with you, Michelle! That would be creep me out. I’ll stay in my nice, comfy blanket at home. Thanks for the kind words there.
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That was fantastic Amy! Much too short. I am amazed that you could pull me in so quickly! I have always thought one sign of a good writer was their ability to take you to that place, where the story is happening. You did just that in a very short time with very few words! Bravo!
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Thanks, Julie! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for all the compliments! I’m blushing over here. 🙂
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I absolutely believe in monsters from the water. When we were kids (young adults) my parents had a campsite on a lake. Once when we were all there my oldest step brother decided to tell the story of the lake monster “Soybean” to all our children who were under 12 years of age.
It was a LONG night!
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Ha ha! I love this story, Dawn. Thanks for sharing it. You will always be haunted by sea monsters now or perhaps even if you just hear the word “Soybean.” If I heard a sea monster story and I had to sleep right next to a lake, I’m sure I’d be scared out of my mind…even now.
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this is an excellent piece. i felt my heart pounding as i imagined them cutting through the choppy waters and hoped they would somehow survive.
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Thanks so much, Plaridel. I’m glad you enjoyed it! They’re not so lucky.
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Great photo this week. You have captured the Murky unknown well, Amy. Who knows what lies beneath the swampy depths…
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Thank you, Audra! Who knows, indeed. I always keep an open mind.
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You do eerie well, Amy. If I was in a tiny boat about to be swallowed by the sea, I’d be a sea monster believer, but parked in a chair on dry land, I can be my usual, jaded self. Still, give me a crowded subway train at rush hour any time over that terror.
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Thank you, V. Things could change for you when you’re out in the fog. Start seeing things. I like the subway train, but I would rather not do it in rush hour!
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Oh! I wonder if the monster ate the skiff, too? Yikes! I scared myself. Sounds like a swamp fog….great piece, Amy.
Ellespeth
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It’s hard to say whether or not the sea monster will eat the skiff. It’s okay, don’t be scared! 🙂 Something tells me, she isn’t very picky. Thanks so much, Ellespeth.
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Guess it wasn’t just a camp fire story after all. There’ll be a couple more floaters to pull out before long (unless they were eaten!).
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Guess not, Ali! It could be gruesome, worse than Jaws. Thanks!
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Very eerie, Amy! I like it!
I have a ‘thing’ for monsters, and sea monsters are included, so I’d say I believe! That said, I’ve not yet had the opportunity to look for Nessie. One day, maybe!
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Thank you, Tom! I’ve never had the chance either. I’m not too far from Lake Tahoe where there is said to be some kind of monster swimming the depths. It’s kind of fun to believe in it, so long as it keeps its distance!
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Great little story and I loved your last line 🙂
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Thanks, Helen. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Of course there are monsters. I hear them giggling all the time under our bed. Sometimes I wonder how they survive in all those cobwebs and dusty bunnies.
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They’re kind of loud at times, aren’t they? The sea monsters, on the other hand, are quiet. 🙂 Thanks, Russell.
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I sense horror right from the start, but not in the form of a sea monster.
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Oh good, Frank. I was able to surprise you! Thanks.
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Oh no. Love the opening lines – Joe’s assumption that Cassel’ was dead – but, ‘Paddling in that pea soup makes about as much sense as surfing a tsunami’ is just wonderful and tells us so much about the other character. Really enjoyed this but wish they hadn’t head downwards at the end there.
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Thank you, Sarah. Thanks for your kind comments. I figured they would need a good reason to go in the pea soup. I know I would need a pretty good reason to paddle in that stuff. I have a feeling the monster is just getting started.
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Poor guy got in the boat anyway and it seems it won’t make it back out. Good story Amy.
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Thanks, Melanie. 🙂
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There is nothing like the pull of Nellie once she have bitten.. great little story.
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Great story. I was confused for a moment with the use of “floater.” I was thinking a dead body, but then realized it was a boat. I definitely believe in sea monsters so this was a wonderful read for me.
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Thanks, Kirsten. I agree with you. It’s confusing. Partly, I wasn’t thinking this was a definition of a “floater,” but now of course I know it is. Duh! I would rewrite that part. Just haven’t changed it as I’ve been too lazy. 🙂 Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
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The dinghy knocked around – what a stupendous line. It covers sound, sight and the feeling of a queasy stomach. Nice take on the prompt (great last line)
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Wow, Alicia, thank you so much for the kind words. They make me smile. 🙂
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I absolutely believe in sea monsters! I share your opinion. The sea is much to big and too deep and too unknown for there not to be a monster!
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Yay! Clap if you believe in sea monsters! Right? There’s just way too much unknown to at least not keep an open mind about it. Thanks, Tiff!
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For sure, there are monsters in the deeps. Has to be, statistically-speaking.
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Quite right, Trenty!
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I believe in them too… Deep, dark water always give me the willies… as did this story! Nice job, Amy!
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Thanks, Dawn! I, too, am fearful of deep waters. I’m okay in the shallow end and when I can see my feet. 🙂
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I love to swim, and do it occasionally in deep waters, but prefer to see what’s beneath me.
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Me too, Dawn. Me too!
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Very atmospheric – the fog, the empty boat, their nervousness. Chilling. Maybe I won’t go out on the lake in my new kayak today after all.
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Thanks, Margaret! Oh no, you really should go. And a new kayak, sea monsters or no, I’m jealous! Oh, enjoy it, Margaret. Thanks for the compliments. 🙂
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I took it for its first paddle just yesterday, and a neighbour called out to me to watch out for the shark. I’d forgotten about this sea monster that is apparently visiting our lake at the moment.
http://www.theherald.com.au/story/2746889/lake-shark-leap-caught-on-video/?cs=2452
Anyway, I did enjoy myself out there, and I hope it stays over the other side of the lake – it’s a big lake.
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Dear Amy, Amazing thriller – I shivered when I read it. Excellent writing! Nan 🙂
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Nan, thanks so much for the compliments. Your words make me smile. 🙂
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You gotta thang for peas huh? First the pea eating contest and now pea soup! Are ya hungry sweety?? ha ha ha! 😉
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btw another great story!! 😀
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Thanks so much! 🙂
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Ha ha! LOL! I had no idea I did this! I must be hungry for peas. I see little green balls in my future. Thanks for reading, Courtney.
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I got sea sick in the choppy water. Good descriptions!
Lily
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Thank you, Lily. Sorry to make you sea sick!
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Great take on the prompt Amy, sorry to be late in reading. Quite dark and a bit scary, but that’s monsters for you!
Well done
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Thanks, Dee! There’s no need to apologize. There is no time limit to reading posts. Thanks so much for coming by and your for thoughtful comments.
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Good story Amy. They should have believed about the sea monster. I’m keeping an open mind. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Good creepy story! 😀
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Thanks, PJ! And thanks for the follow. 🙂
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