Friday Fictioneers is a weekly Link-up. Writers from around the globe attempt to write a 100-word story based on a photo prompt. Today’s photo was supplied by Kent Bonham. A big thank you goes out to our lovely hostess, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
I think this is a picture of a train station. I could be wrong, but that is my inspiration here. You may have heard of the popular novel, Girl on a Train. Well, here’s “Boy on a Train.”
Genre: Thriller (100 words)
Boy on a Train
He sat in the corner of the railcar, wearing his leather jacket and usual scruff.
When passengers cleared, Lily edged closer and settled across from him. “I know you. Was it a class? Or is it Une Petite Tasse? ” He nodded. “You know it?”
“I don’t go there.”
Except he went there yesterday and the day before; he followed her scent. Last time he checked, it was J’adore. She liked to dab it between her thighs before she left in the morning.
He stood and whispered, “Goodbye, Lily.”
She froze to the screech of steel. She’d never introduced herself.
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More stories from the Fictioneers can be found here.
AmyReeseWrites 
We both went a little supernatural this week. Nicely done. 🙂
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Thanks so much! Oh, I’ll have to see what you did with it. 🙂
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Dear Amy, Oooooh! She is so lucky to have realized his slip (maybe it wasn’t a slip) but she may be very cautious around him in the future. Great Story! I literally shivered when I read that sentence – he has already done his investigation and knows her name. YIKES! Great story! Nan
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Thanks so much, Nan. I appreciate your enthusiasm. So thrilled you enjoyed it!! In the context of a bigger story, I think he would do it intentionally. Thanks for stopping by!
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Creepy! Is he a stalker or something more sinister?
Good piece Amy.
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Thanks, Mick. Yes, stalker. Maybe something more, too. Who knows?
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Between her thighs?
How does he know that?!
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Why he’s a stalker, darling. 🙂
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Yes…ugh…
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Ooh, creepy stalker. She needs to watch her step – at least she’s noticed his slip, or was it intentional – is he trying to get into her head?
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Creepy, yes. I think he did it on purpose, Ali. He’s messing with her.
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Hope she doesn’t have to travel more with him. Or even better, jump off before the train moves again.
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Not a bad idea, just not THAT stop because then she would be joining him. The train presents lots of possibilities. Hey, thanks for reading.
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Excellent little twist in 100 words, Amy! What happens next?!?!
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Thanks, Audra!! Glad you liked it. I don’t know! Maybe I should write it. Do you think I should?! Even though it’s already been done with the Girl?
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I think she’ll be careful now and hopefully avoid any screeching steel too. Nice story, Amy!
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I hate the sound of that screeching steel? Don’t you?! She may not be riding the train for a bit. Thanks, Perry.
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Amy, you should be writing suspense novels and thrillers, such an eye for building tension. Echo Audra’s comments above, what’s going on, what’s next?
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Aww, thank you!! This would be fun to write. I bet I have a thriller in me. Thanks for the kind words, Trent. 🙂
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What starts out as a romantic train station yarn dissolves into a pitch black stalker cautionary tale.
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Ooh, you are right on the money. Just how did this happen? Thanks!
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Creepy with tension & a dab of intrigue. The “screech of steel” …. Yikes!
PS: If all goes as planned, early next week I’ll post a challenge I think you’ll enjoy.
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Dab of intrigue. Oh, I like how you phrased that, Frank. 🙂 Oh, will it be fiction? I’m always up for a challenge. I’ll be looking out for it. Thanks for the heads up.
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The challenge shouldn’t be hard … should be fun … check my blog after 6:30 pm Sunday (your time).
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I think he goes beyond stalker! Knowing her name was bad enough… but where she puts her perfume? Shudder!
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I know. I’m not sure I want to know what he’s up to. 🙂 Thanks, Dale.
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😲
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Nice ending, Amy. You leave us with lots of possibilities and questions and a complete story at the same time.
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Thanks, Cathy. Glad you thought so. A train does present many possibilities.
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Very creepy stalker story, Amy. Well done.
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Thanks, Dianne. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Good thriller. I think this photo has helped many of us reach deep into the recesses of our creativity, and the ambiguity of the location has made for some excellent diversity this week. Nice work, as usual, Amy.
All my best,
MG
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Thanks, MG. Great! I can’t wait to see what you’ve come up with. I have yet to do any reading. I’ll be by! All my best to you, too.
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Beautifully paced Amy, and left me wanting more. Unlike ‘Girl on a Train’.
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Thanks so much, Sandra. So happy to hear that. I’m not sure what all the fuss is over that book! I was pretty disappointed by the end. I liked her idea but something really fizzled.
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Now THAT is really creepy. In a good way. Well done!
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Thanks so much, Jan. Glad you liked it!
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Great stuff. Creepy, but great.
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Thanks, KT!
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Stay away, Lily.Don’t edge too close.Scary piece. Bravo.
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Thanks, Patrick!
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Wow. This was really strong. It ended with an unsettling and swift realization by your character that really hit me as the reader. Great work, Amy. xo
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What wonderful comments. Thanks, Kelly. I appreciate it. Thanks for giving me that feedback. I was going for the tingle down the spine moment. xo
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That’s exactly what it was 🙂
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Great! Thank you, Kelly.
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Intense! I love it.
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Thanks, Tiff. Glad you enjoyed it!
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Creepy!
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Thanks, Lorna. 🙂
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Should the first word “his” be “he”?
Sorry it was bugging me but I like a good stalker on the train story.
Trace
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Definitely! I must have changed it a few times. Thanks for telling me, Tracey. I will fix it.
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Dear Amy,
You gave just enough information to make me gasp at the ending with Lily. Subtle and chilling. One of your best.
The photo is actually a shoe store in Israel, but that doesn’t matter. It’s what you saw that matters, right? Of course, right! 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, why thank you. I could see expanding this one. That’s what I love about FF. I never know what I’ll write or what I’ll see in the picture. 🙂 Shoe store, huh? I definitely wouldn’t have written this story had I known. Thanks for your lovely comments.
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Someone should have told Lily not to speak to strangers on trains. She’s living dangerously. Very unsettling story. Well built tension and great ending.
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Lily should know better, but apparently, she didn’t get the memo about talking to strangers. Thanks for your lovely comments, Margaret. It’s always great to hear your thoughts.
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Yeech, this is scary, and the screeching steel is just adding that last little touch that makes it come to life.
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Can’t you just hear that screeching sound. It always drives me crazy. Thanks for reading!
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Ooh a touch or supernatural, either that or she has no privacy settings on Facebook.
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I bet he’s already checked out her Facebook. That’s a good point. Thanks for reading, Subroto. I appreciate it.
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Oh I just wonder if it was a slip of tongue or some intention behind it all..
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Oh, I think he definitely has intentions, Bjorn. I’m not sure she’ll be riding the train by herself any longer…or maybe she will. Thanks for your comments. 🙂
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First of all, I wouldn’t befriend someone squatting in the corner of a train, That’s risky behavior. She better find someone to accompany her from now on or not go. He’s scary. The policemen wouldn’t be able to do anything at this point so she’s on her own. Well done, Amy. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Lily is far too trusting. I think I got you a little spooked. Did I? I think I did my job then. Thanks for your kind comments, Suzanne. I appreciate it. 🙂
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Ah, yes, Amy. Danger ahead. Next stop, bad boy.
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Very bad, indeed. Thanks, Mark.
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Thrilling post. I love the pace.
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I’m thrilled you enjoyed it. Thanks so much.
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🙂
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