This week marks Rochelle Wisoff-Fields‘s third anniversary with the Friday Fictioneers. Congratulations, Rochelle! Hats off to her leadership and dedication she has given to this group. I enjoyed this community and have watched it grow, not only in number, but in the strength of its writing. I want to say thanks to everyone for making it such a great part of my writing journey. September marked three years with this group, and I was having so much fun I didn’t even realize it. Yay!
As allowed, I re-running a story. The timing couldn’t be better as I have a busy couple of days ahead. I promise I will get to reading stories. However, it may have to wait until the weekend. It’s kind of nice to come back to a story and think, “Yeah, I liked this story.” It’s a nice feeling. I just changed one word, even though I’m over the 100-word limit.
(105 words)
Cooped Up
Sweat, soap, aftershave, and a piercing, spicy floral pervaded the air. I slid my way down the aisle, each step unveiling a nod, a smile, or a distant gaze.
The promise of a sixteen-hour journey influenced my choice of a traveling companion. I sat next to an elderly lady with her head in a book, hoping I might pass the time with sleep. Directly across from me sat a man with a cage hidden under a towel. Wisps of feathers escaped onto the grimy floor.
Cluck. Cluck. He shook the cage and offered me a toothy grin. Am I the only one who’s hearing this?
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My original story can be found here.
For more stories from the Fictioneers, click here.
I cannot even fathom sixteen hours on a bus! Now all I can think of is the last episode of M*A*S*H…
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That would be really long. Definitely an ordeal, Dale. Oh, I hadn’t thought about MASH. Very good!
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😉
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Sixteen hours with a chicken? Yikes! Thanks for reminding me how uncomfortable a bus ride can be. Kudos. Alicia
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I’m not sure the chicken would make it through, Alicia. Someone would probably kill it…either for food or for clucking! Thanks.
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Ha… yes going by bus is all about the company, and maybe a little bit the rest-stop food as well.
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Had to check my old comment… and yes maybe it’s a bus to Turkey…?
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I just read your old comment. Ha! Maybe a bus to Turkey? Or it will be a chicken thanksgiving dinner this year.
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You hope at least if people aren’t nice to talk to, they’re at least pleasant, right? I don’t think I’ve ever had rest-stop food I’ve liked. You?
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Traveling with a chicken or something more sinister? 🙂 With a FF story, one never knows. I did a re-run, too, Amy, and it IS nice to find you like what you wrote originally. I’ve been doing too little writing recently. Have to get back to it.
janet
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No, just the chickens this time, Janet. Nothing sinister in the mix. It IS nice to like something you wrote. I know you know what I mean. I hope you can get back to it. I’ve missed you.
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You sometimes can’t choose your travelling companions. Fly first class next time (sit next to Donald Trump if you’re unlucky).
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This is true about your traveling companions. Flying first class would definitely be my first choice, next to Trump or not. Maybe he’d buy me a drink! 🙂
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Funny – a chicken on a bus. I prefer chickens to children.
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Thanks, Tracey. Maybe, so long as the chickens don’t pluck my eyes out. 🙂
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Bad choice of seat!
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No doubt! Thanks, Louise.
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Sixteen hours? Yeeks! Maybe the chicken will escape and mayhem will ensue!
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Now that would be a story I’d like to read. You always have great ideas, Ali.
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The bus will be delightfully fragrant after sixteen hours cooped up with a chicken. I like this one, it has a real atmosphere, and the line about ‘each step unveiling a nod, smile or distant gaze’. Very well observed, the whole of it. Well done Amy.
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Yes, extremely fragrant. Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful comments, Sandra. Glad you like it.
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Dear Amy,
Dale took the thought right out of my head. I thought of MASH also and found myself wondering if it was really a chicken. 😉 Cooped up is right. That’s going to be one helluva bus ride.
I’m happy you’ve stayed on the Friday Fictioneers bus. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle, I haven’t though about MASH in a long time. I want to watch the episode now. 🙂 Definitely cooped up, but not on the Fictioneers bus. It’s been real pleasure, Rochelle. 😀
Thanks again for all you do. I truly appreciate it.
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You mess me up when you post these Friday Fictioneers pieces on days other than Friday. Good thing I don’t have OCD or I’d jump through this window.
Have you ever done a long-distance bus trip? This is a pretty accurate description.
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I can always respond to your comment on Fridays? How’s that for a compromise? Ha ha. Please don’t jump through a window. Jeez! I didn’t know my stories had such an impact on you.
Oh yes, I’ve had the pleasure of a long bus trip. No fun. Haven’t done it in a long time, but I remember it.
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In the end you wonder who has more leg room, the chicken or the passengers. Sixteen hours–what a horrible ride. Beautifully written story.
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My guess is the chicken has the most leg room in that roomy cage. Ha! Sixteen hours would be some kind of torture, Gah. Thanks so much.
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Ah the joys (or not!) of bus travel. Well captured
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Thank you so much.
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Very well put together. I too thought MASH!
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Thanks, Ken. I must re-watch that episode!
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Oh it is a classic!
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this made me smile. um… no. it actually made me laugh. good one. 🙂
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Thanks, Plaridel. I’m so happy it made you laugh. 🙂
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Cooped Up … Ha! Love this title, and the story too.
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Thank you, Melanie. Glad you enjoyed it.
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There should be some missing teeth in that grin of his. At some point on this sixteen hour ride, he’s bound to lean over and whisper, “Hey, Baby, wanna pet my rooster?”
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I’m sure there must be at least one missing tooth, Russell. Haha. Good one! Now that’s a hilarious end to my story. I like it.
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16 hrs with that cooped up Bird and it’s “owner” ? Sounds like torture.
Good piece.
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Yes, I see the man with toothy grin as like a farmer and owner of the chicken. 🙂 Thanks.
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The unexpected can be ????? Who knows! Enjoyed!
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Thanks, Roger. Glad you enjoyed it!
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I’m sure the chicken was very uncomfortable being caged up like that for 16 hours.
I’m calling PETA.
😉 Randy
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Good point, Randy! Poor chicken. He doesn’t deserve that. 🙂
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I don’t think I would mind the clucking as long as there were no odors.
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It could be entertaining and cute for a little while, Dawn.
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I once waited tables in a restaurant that played 40’s music on the muzak non-srop. I have the selective hearing of a man! 😉
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Haha! It’s a good skill to have. It’s self-preservation.
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It sounds like a bus in some foreign country. I don’t know if they allow animals on buses in the U.S. Unless the guy is a friend of the driver. After a while that would probably start to smell. I hope the chicken doesn’t have lice.as I’ve heard that chicken lice bite. Good story, Amy. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Suzanne, I think he’s trying to get away with it by having it covered. I have a feeling it’s not going to last long. The smell would definitely be a give away. Thank you, Suzanne. Thanks for reading.
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That’s going to be a very long ride!
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Indeed! Thanks, Vinitha.
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