It’s time for Friday Fictioneers, a weekly writing group. The challenge is to write a 100-word story based on a photo prompt. Thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting and to C.E. Ayr for the this week’s photo.
If you would like to participate, follow this link for instructions. All are welcome.
My story has two interwoven narratives; one from the son and the other is from the mother in the past. It may not be clear, but that’s my idea. Let me know what you think.
(100 words)
Chateau de Longing
Merv fretted and tidied miscellaneous piles of paper. They still owed on the computer that died. “Another sale bites the dust. That place is immaculate. Now it’s below market.”
Orange blossoms softened the air. He rubbed her feet as they sipped on Turkish coffee at first light of a sleepless night.
“We have no control. We can’t force her out,” said Lisa.
Under a shimmering, bejeweled sky, he whispered, “Wait for me.”
“She wanders up and down the hall in various stages of undress. Sometimes nothing at all,” Merv said.
“What?” Lisa asked.
“My mother has officially lost her mind.”
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bummer. where do they go from here?
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Hmm. I don’t know. Plaridel, I’m glad I don’t have to decide.
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What Plaridel said! So not easy when one must take care of one’s parents… and don’t have the funds to place them in a better place..
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I agree, Dale. That’s a tough spot and probably an all too familiar one. Thanks for your thoughts.
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Nicely done – I didn’t know where it was going.
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Thank you, Louise! I hope it wasn’t too confusing. I added some notes for my story.
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It wasn’t 🙂
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Thanks!
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What to do now? A rather sad and quite common situation to be in, I think.
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I don’t know what they will do. I don’t the mother will leave willingly. Thanks, Ali.
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Aw, Amy! For such a short story I was taken in many directions with this one, as you are when worries start to build up on you. Very well written!
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That’s very nice of you to say, Tom. The son definitely has a lot of worries going on. I’m glad that came across. Thank you!
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I love the interweaving here of emotions.
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Thanks so much.
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So much in so few words. Excellent.
Visit Keith’s Ramblings!
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Thanks for the kind words, Keith. I will by for your story. Thanks for the link.
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Great story and great description
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Thanks so much, Charly.
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Orange blossoms softened the air. I could actually feel and smell this. Made me want to be in a warmer climate wearing a swimsuit (a very scary thought for those around me) sipping something cold with an umbrella in it.
And, on that note, I love where you took the prompt ~ or where it took you. Ditto what MJ said.
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Ooh, I like where this took you, Alicia. I’ll join you sipping from an umbrella drink. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I always appreciate you taking the time. 🙂
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Dear Amy,
Italicizing the mother’s thoughts helped to differentiate between her reality and her son’s. Poignant piece. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great! I appreciate your feedback and your thoughts, Rochelle. Thanks so much.
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Oooh, nice, Amy! This has a very mysterious feel to it–– the atmosphere and tension, of this woman in “various stages of undress.” I could definitely see this being expanded; it really pulled me in, and you built tension and setting beautifully! love it!
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Thanks for all the wonderful and encouraging comments, Dawn. I think it could be expanded too. It could use a bit more space. Glad you enjoyed it!
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Beautiful, Amy. Loved the interwoven thoughts. Love the twist at the end! So much going on in so few words! I think this piece really reflects your writing skill.
I’ve never made or had Turkish coffee, have you? Hope you have a lovely Sunday! xo
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Thanks so much, Kelly. That’s why I keep practicing here. I like to experiment a bit when I can. I’m glad this worked out and you enjoyed it.
I have tried Turkish coffee once when I lived in San Diego, at least I think that’s what it was 🙂 You too! Thanks. xoxo
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I didn’t read your narrative first, and didn’t really need to after reading the story twice. Nicely done Amy. I liked the structure.
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Thanks so much, Sandra. I’m glad it made it sense. Thanks for taking the time and for your thoughtful comments.
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Personally, I had a bit of trouble following this one. I’m a bit tired this morning though so maybe my brain just isn’t working correctly right now.
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I just like to experiment. Thanks for your honest feedback, Adam.
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Nothing wrong with experimenting. 🙂
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So sad,its hard to see them diminished especially if they were so vibrant before
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That is sad, isn’t it? Great comment. Thanks, Laurie!
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I think this was worth reading a few times… 100 words and it comes through with the terrible weight of each being stuck exactly where they are… no real alternative but to wait I guess…
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Thanks for taking the time, Bjorn. I appreciate that, especially since it’s your birthday. 🙂 Happy Birthday!! I feel honored. Thanks for your observations. I think you’re right. They’re stuck in a terrible spot and it weighs heavily on all of them.
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My Dad had dementia, so I can relate to this, although our goal was see to his wishes (staying at home till he died). As a kid, we view our parents as immortal. It breaks our hearts to deal with the reality that they’re only human. Great story, Alicia.
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Oops. I mean Amy (blushing)
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I love Alicia’s writing. You can call me that anytime. 🙂
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I hope your dad got to stay at home. I know exactly what you’re saying about the feeling that are parents att immortal. Well said. Russell.
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Oh, how sad. I think the two points of view really made this story. It came together really well. I think seeing this happen to any loved one has got to be the hardest thing in the world.
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Thanks so much, Tiffany. I’m glad you feel that the two points of view came together. It would be hard to watch someone slowly slip away. Thanks for your feedback.
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This is great, Amy (and I know how they feel!) 😉
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Thanks, Dianne. I know you have a lot of experience in this area although I’m sure it doesn’t make it any easier. Thanks for your nice comments.
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The older I get the more frightened I become of a future like this. Young people do not understand!
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I agree. You don’t quite get it until you can imagine it for yourself. Thanks for your comments, Dawn.
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So, clearly, the “Friday” part of Friday Fictioneers is merely suggestive, not to be taken literally.
That’s a horrible image. I once opened the bathroom door to see my mother-in-law on the throne with her big old lady panties around her ankles. I wanted to gouge my eyes out but I didn’t want that to be the last thing I ever saw.
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Just so you know, I had my story out on Friday afternoon. It was still Friday where I live. 🙂
But actually, the way Friday Fictioneers works is that the prompt is out on Wednesdays and the link stays active until the following Tuesday, so technically, you have a whole week! It used to be that this group was about 10 people and the goal was to have a story up by Friday, but there’s actually a much bigger window.
Our bodies don’t last forever. So, I made you uncomfortable? That’s what I was going for. Thanks!
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I’m having such a hard time with the stories this week. I think it’s because I have a cold and my brain isn’t on top of its game at the moment. Your explanation confused me as I was reading the story. I imagined the mother as a spirit or ghost, so I was thrown that she was still alive, although not altogether well. After I read it a few more times, the story became clear. Had I not jumped to conclusions about what “from the mother in the past” meant, it probably wouldn’t have taken me so long.
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Oh, sorry about that. I can see how that explanation is confusing. So much for explaining things. Oh, well. It was a bit experimental. Thanks for your feedback. I hope you feel better, Melanie. 🙂
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It’s rough. Good story, Amy. A good nursing home is easier to find if you can pay a few months fee at first, then the government takes over. If they don’t have Power of Attorney and have spent all her money, good luck. Well done, Amy. —- Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne. Our government doesn’t take over. If you don’t have a good pension or enough social security, family must chip in! I’m glad you enjoyed my story.
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Heartbreakingly good story. I like how you interweave the mother’s memories with reality’s worries. And you have a new layout. That title image looks great!
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Thanks, Gah. I’m glad you could make sense of it. Thanks for the feedback. That’s really what I was hoping to show, the two different viewpoints of the everyday worries alongside the fantasies. Yes, a new layout! Thanks, glad you like it.
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His mother is waiting for ‘him’ – as he asked. She’s having a beautiful time. Poor Merv, however. Good story, Amy. Lovely language to describe the mother’s reality.
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Thank you, Margaret. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. You got it, exactly. Thanks for noticing. 🙂 She’s having a great time. What’s wrong with everyone else?
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Even without the tip-off, it’s clear what’s going on here. Props for weaving two stories together in such a short space!
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I’m glad it made sense to you, Jim. Thanks for the kind words.
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You’re welcome, Amy. I look forward to reading more!
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