Santa and Friends: The Real Story Beyond the Lights

Looking at all the colorful lights and holiday displays you would probably say everything is going splendidly. But I promise you, things are not always as they seem. I felt a lot of anxiety in the air as I drove through my neighborhood. Maybe Santa and friends are anxious about the big night. Could be. I don’t know, but I got an earful as I drove by their happy, smiling, sometimes tipped over bodies. This is what I heard. This is the real story:


Why do they always put us on top of the roof? I don’t know why, but I feel a bit distant, forgotten, like they don’t care. Can anyone even see us here? Is anyone looking? Hey you, down there. We’re up here. Just keep waving.


That’s on TOP of the roof…Up on the housetop reindeer pause, Out jumps Good Old Santa Claus…ring any bells? They make my life so difficult.


What are they doing putting all three of us together like this? It confuses the kids. They already see us at all the malls. I say on 3, we scramble. Ready: 1 -2- 3…


There! That ought to do it. They won’t have a clue now.


Wipe that smile off your face, Prancer. You think you’re special because you can fly. Lend a hoof why don’t you? And take that wreath off. It’s only going to slow you down and it looks ridiculous.


Santa, you know I would help if I could…and even if I could, I can walk too good. I’d probably slow you down. I certainly can’t fly, just so you know.


No one thinks I’m a snowman. No one is buying this. Whatever is this prickly, brown material I sit on? Where is the snow?


If my photo wasn’t so blurry, you could see that I’m a beautiful peacock. I’m the one that isn’t that obnoxious red or green color. I have nothing to do with the holidays, but I am the best looking thing on this lawn. I’m marvelous, darling.


We’re already working double shifts at the park over the holidays and now we have to work the neighborhoods, too.
Mickey, I don’t think I can hold on to this package a second longer.
You can do it, Minnie. Just think, soon we’ll deflate and we’ll be touching again.

I must be losing it…I hope you enjoyed that holiday cheer! I’ll be stepping away from my blog until next year. Please enjoy your holiday and be safe.

Wishing you a bright and merry holiday 
and peace, love and happiness for the New Year 2016!! 

With Love,

The Trimmings Tell the Real Story

Walking through my neighborhood, I pause to look at the various holiday decorations. And, guess what? I’m on to you, Santa. Santa has been very bad. If you look deep enough, and trust me, I always look deep, you will just need a few clues to put this puzzle together.

You think Santa has been busy with the season? The trimmings tell the truth behind Santa’s twinkling eyes and his merry dimples, and his diligent elves, working day and night.

They paint the picture that they’re working so hard:

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Look at them. Look at the smiles on those faces. They are not to be trusted, because get this. Here it was almost noon and I catch Santa still in bed…with a list of names….

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Sure, it’s the Naughty and Nice List. Uh huh. Sure it is. Tell me, Santa, what are you doing with that list in bed at noon time? I’m sure I don’t want to know. Is this the Naughty List by any chance? Don’t those elves of yours take care of this list, hmm?

I checked on those elves, and this is what I saw:

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Rough night, huh? Too many peppermint candies? Too much hammering?

I’m sure this is why they put the poor deer to work, because I observed this as well:

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Where is Santa now? Where’s his sleigh?  Allowing this deer to go out all by herself with a sleigh? The fragile deer is slaving away with no berries in sight. What about the others? Where are they? They are no doubt partying it up with Peacock here. All he has to do is spread his feathers.

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Where’s his sleigh? I tried to get Santa to comment, but he was otherwise “Occupied,” guarded by two deer:

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Now you know. Everybody poops and so does Santa. If you look more closely, Santa has either shrunk or he is halfway down the toilet. Perhaps, this is his secret travel mechanism to reach the other side of the world so quickly. It’s his black hole. I’ve heard of stranger theories.

What about you? Are you enjoying the magic of the season? How is the shopping/gifting/baking/wrapping going?

We are expecting what they are naming the “Storm of the Century.” I’ll believe it when I see it. I have hot cocoa. Hey, this marks my 300th post. So, cheers!

Here’s my effort to send some holiday cheer your way! I hope you are feeling merry and bright.

Happy Halloween!

Tonight the kids will take a walk around the block for some tricks or treats. Last year my little one made to about five houses. We’ll see how he does this year. I think he’ll go to at least fifteen houses! Although, the neighborhood is looking pretty decked out, spookwise…

She’s the Girl on the Swing. She sings a version of “Ring Around the Rosy” I’ve never heard before. You know that delightful song about the bubonic plague? She’s right around the corner from me, and makes me a little nervous.

Here are some of Swing Girl’s friends.

Happy Halloween!!

May it be dark and scary

Except for those who are dealing with that scary Sandy and would prefer light.

I hope this lifts your spirits.

‘Tis the Season for Boo!

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays, without question. With Americans expected to spend a whopping $8 billion this year on Halloween, I see I’m not alone. It definitely has changed since I was a kid. For one thing, when I was kid, Halloween was a one-day holiday. We may have had a carnival at the school, but that was basically it. That, and the Trick-or-Treating, of course. No one decorated their house. Orange lights didn’t exist. Certainly no zombie babies.

My five siblings and I figured out our costumes the day of Halloween, rummaging through our mother’s closet. She had to have known. We were gypsies, witches, ghosts, and hobos. My brothers often dressed in drag or as bloodied mummies. We were totally fine with it. I loved being a gypsy, so wild and free, wearing scarfs, hoop earrings, and lots of lipstick. If kids bought costumes back then, we didn’t know about it. None of my friends bought costumes either, as far as I know.

Well, the deal today is to buy costumes for kids, at least for this year. Next year, I may change my tune. From year to year, the costumes look strikingly familiar. In the case of my sons, a colorful bodysuit, a mask, and a pair of gloves, with perhaps a sword, or a robot arm. The colors may change, but I would say that this is the standard $20 costume, whether it be a Megatron, Ninja, or an Alien. After four years of being a Ninja in varying colors, my oldest son has now fallen to the dark side. With a motto of “World Peace and Destruction,” he gravitates to the Horror category, as Crypt Master or a Phantom with eyes that light-up.

My neighbors like to dress up their houses, too. There are innumerable ways to get the job done. There’s over-the-top scary with fog and scary music, or the subtle approach with a simple pumpkin flag or a harmless ghost.

At the local Spirit Halloween store

At the Halloween store a whole assortment of friendly faces await you. That’s if you can get your child into the store. This place scares my little one to pieces. See the speck in the distance? Let me tell you, he can run fast when he wants to.

You can see why he might be scared.

What about bringing home the gal from the Exorcist? She can raise and lower herself, and spin her head. An extra added bonus, her eyes light up. However, I didn’t see her suspend above the bed or eject any vile, green contents.

Don’t forget your local zombie chapter.

Or, your friendly ghost.

Decorations are coveted items in the neighborhood. This is my friend’s sign. She wants her ghost back. Give it back to her. It was her favorite ghost. She’ll even take it back after Halloween.

These are Bumble’s decorations. They need a little work.

Help! Help! At least fix my tombstone. For crying out loud! That’s the least you could do.

I know. That’s one scary Teddy Bear.

And, introducing my very own Board Ghost. Is he a ghost? Is he a board?

Who am I? How did I get here?

I don’t know. You kind of came with the house. Hey, are you haunting my house? Is it you? How did you get up there anyway?

I’m talking to a ghost. I mean a board. I mean, uh, a board ghost. It’s time to move along now.

But nothing compares to the MEAT SHOP!!! I saved the best for last.

It’s as good as a movie set, yes? It appeared in our neighborhood a few years back. We couldn’t find it last year. Was it relocated? Transferred? I have my suspicions.

In any case, my little one did not stand for this at all. He never actually saw it, but when he found out we walking on the street where the Meat Shop once existed, he went flying.

Last year, even though the Meat Shop was gone, we only made it to five houses for Trick-or-Treating.

I hope we make it to a few more this year. We shall see.