Guys, It’s Your Turn to Talk

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I want to dedicate this post to Tracy Fulks. It happens to be Tracy’s birthday today. Happy Birthday, Tracy!!! I wanted to write about penis size on your birthday. I want to make you proud. Tracy, I love you. You’re beautiful, inside and out. I hope you like this post in your honor.

Be sure to send some wishes her way!

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After my boobs post, I had a request for a post on penis size from my friend Rich. Per your request, and because you probably didn’t think I’d follow through on this, I will write your post.

Now, my first response to Rich was, “I don’t have a penis, so I am not ‘qualified’ write such a post.” Uh huh. I’m so clever, huh?

Suffice it to say, Rich did not provide any guidelines, nor have I been approached in a Barnes & Noble with penis jokes. I know, imagine that? But I have learned recently this fact from extensive research (on Google), and this is FACT: the average straight man has seen about 3.2 penises in his life. Really?

Then, I thought a little more about it, and thought just maybe, Rich was hoping for a forum in which to discuss penis size. When I blogged about boobies, it was a regular breast fest over here. I delighted in how open we all could be, talking about the issues that large-breasted woman have, and even revealing our bra sizes. Perhaps, this is what you have in mind…Women, we can chime in, or perhaps, just listen. We are good listeners.

I was especially moved by the gentlemen who joined in the boobs discussion to remark how much they like breasts, clearly respectful of them, their form, their function, their beauty, their sensuality…oh…I’m supposed to write about penis size. Where was I?

Yes…I was fascinated by one commenter who suggested that men would never gather in a group to talk about their packages, as the women here on my blog so freely discussed their ta-tas. What do you think, guys? Are you gathering your thoughts right now? Did I hear a pin drop? So, have you seen any good movies lately?

Let’s just look at the evidence before us, shall we? Maybe this will help ease the discussion. Condoms are a one-size-fits-all, right? No? Perhaps, this is the reason for the spray-on condom. Did you ever hear of that one?

What about this case study? Recall the Olympics last summer when U.S. Rower, Henrik Rummel, accepted his bronze on the podium with what everyone assumed was a raging hard on. He was excited about the bronze, as he should be.

Here’s some video on the story.

If you didn’t watch the video, all you need to know is that Henrik denies that it is a boner. He simply states, “I don’t know why it ended up in that position but there you go.” So, this could be a starting off point for your discussion, how the twigs and berries shift. I’m sorry, I know nothing about this.

And now, some trivia. Did you know that back in the day, when the Olympics began in Greece, the competitors were naked? FACT. Now this certainly must have settled any possible confusion about penis size.

Imagine, wrestling.

photo credit: http://www.jockular.com

Or…

photo credit: http://www.jockular.com

Oops! How did this get in here? I meant to take this one out…

But let’s face it, if men ran around naked in the Olympics or otherwise, I’m sure we wouldn’t get any work done. And, of course, civilization would decline swiftly and come to a screeching halt.

Let’s just say that after such a thorough examination, penises come in all different sizes. That said, size doesn’t matter. Not one bit. Honestly, this shouldn’t matter to your partner, and if it does, he/she is not the one for you. This much is true.

Now, discuss away….1-2-3-…Go!

Olympics, I’ve Gone Color-Blind

I’ve tolerated the pink wash of the gymnastics arena. I’ll admit in the heat of the women’s competition the other night, I was revved up by all the pink. I could barely make out the gymnasts in their red, or was it pink, leotards. That’s okay, too. I’m good at squinting. But when they were on the podium accepting their gold medals, after their tear-jerking, emotionally driven reality-tv aired footage…more on this in a minute…what do I see the American gymnasts wearing on the podium but gray, yellow, and purple.

Huh? I’ll admit their attire is snazzy in a Star Trek, futuristic, Kingdom of Oz kind of way. I understand Ralph Lauren designed their outfits. Or, was it Nike?The tops expose sleek lines, showing off the athletes’ well-defined musculature. And, the hoods are quite fetching.  I supposed we had to brighten the gray with yellow sneakers. Clever. Purple? I’m not even sure where that came in. Maybe they were holding purple flowers or was it the ribbon medal? I can’t even remember. But who I am to dispute this tasteful choice of clothing?

It’s simply that I’m accustomed to certain colors. For example, we say a red glass of wine is red, not green. And, green grass, well, it’s green…not orange. Or, wait a minute. Is this one of those things where we’ve been conditioned to accept that the sky is blue, not yellow. Like that? It could be yellow, but we know it as blue. Is it simply a trend? Next Olympics will the athletes will be wearing a whole plethora of wildflower colors. The Olympic rings are colorful, are they not?

One venue that has been absent of an array of colors is the pool, at least on TV. With the pool we have blue. Nice calm, pool blue. You’ll notice that the sidings are blue, like the pool. It’s as if the organizers said, “No, we’re not having any of that pink here. ” Perhaps, a portion of the lane lines are pink, or it could be my TV. Or, maybe my brain has now rewired the colors. The colors that should be red, white, and blue, now grey, yellow, and purple. Got it?

The pool….yes.  On to other more important topics. How about that Michael Phelps achieving his 19th Olympic medal? History was made, and I’m touched that he could share this moment with his teammates defending the Men’s 4×200 Freestyle Relay title. I was on the edge of my seat, cheering. Yes, I get emotional. I have to hide my face and pretend I’m not shedding tears. Oh, just coming down with a cold is all.

I remember witnessing another historic moment in gymnastics when Nadia scored her perfect 10, and it showed up as 1.0, confusing the hell out of all of us. I, too, was a gymnast at that point in my life.  It had stirred up a wistful hope that I, too, could be an Olympian like Nadia. Little did I know that I would quit the sport only a couple of years later. Still, I remember that time of my life fondly when the Olympic dream was alive inside of me, even if only fleetingly.

I suppose this is why I get so emotional when I watch the Olympics. I could never be the parent caught on camera when her child has completed the event or when the results are in. It would not be pretty. I would have to wear a bag over my head. I would be a blubbering mess, tears streaming. Folks at home would say, “Oh, look at her. Hold it together, lady.” But perhaps, these parents are seasoned as they have seen their child compete countless times in their quest for Olympic gold.

But not everyone gets gold, of course. Most go home empty-handed. But just to be at the Olympics is a dream so few experience. The emotions run high, especially when the expectations carry such weight. Such a tremendous weight, in fact, I’m surprised the Russian gymnasts could even get off the ground. The pressure bearing down on them, and the outpouring of emotions when they didn’t quite get it.

It all came down to a tumbling pass…

Wait  a second….I mean two tumbling passes actually. But NBC decided to air only one of them, toying with our emotions so that our TV watching experience could be what, more exciting? Evoke more tears? NBC, are you making a joke out of my tears? This decision was quite deliberate it would seem. Since the Russians did not fulfill two tumbling passes adequately, the Americans clinched the gold before they even began their floor routines.

Did they think we weren’t going to find out? Are they mocking my emotions and my intelligence? These gymnasts on the podium stand with integrity and deserve to be there. I hold this broadcaster to the same standard. Now act like it. Shame, shame. The Olympics is not reality television. People want the actual real thing. The athletes, dedicating years and years to their sport, deserve to have their events documented and aired as truthfully as possible.

Photo credit: Freedigitalphotos.net

Olympics: Pink is Your Color

Photo credit: freedigitalphotos.net

Pink, pink. What’s wrong with pink? Sounds like you got a pink kink in your think.

– The Great American Jackalope in Boundin, a Pixar Short

This quote came to mind while watching the Olympics today. While pink is the predominant color, purple and orange also serve as highlights. I understand the organizers have planted orange, yellow, and pink flowers for the cyclists along their race. I came across this when I googled “why pink at Olympics.” I see others were curious about this when they came across my previous post.

So, I thought I should find out for myself. Besides the hot pink gymnastics arena, you will also get hits about the Queen looking pretty in pink, Pink Floyd at the opening ceremonies, and last by not least, athletes peeing in pink on account of beetroot juice, bicarbonate of soda, and caffeine.

All that aside, in my research I learned that pink is the it color because pink is vibrant, and about excitement, and getting the blood pressure up. But unlike red, in a non-offensive way.

If you look, you will see pink everywhere. It’s on the rowers’ oars and even on the water polo ball. Pink is said to promote friendship, is a sign of hope, and the color for breast cancer awareness.

It will help all athletes get in touch with their feminine side. Just what we need at the Olympics. It’s also the color of flamingos, Easter eggs, and I’m sure you can come up with a few other things…

It is perhaps, a little jarring, but nonetheless…Pink. Pink. What’s wrong with pink? It’s growing on me. It’s, uh, memorable.

I didn’t want to search too much as I did come across more results. Argh!

It’s impossible to keep up with all the Olympics. I’m not even going to try. That said, I’ve watched more TV in the past day and a half than I have for the last six months. I’m even enjoying the athletic commercials and think they’re even better than the Superbowl.

I thought it wouldn’t hurt to give my rundown, lest you missed it.

Upon watching the women’s gymnastics, I learned that the Australians are going for a 6th place overall, just like in the last Olympic games. This is what I love about the Olympics. For them, that would be their gold medal and they’re pulling as a team to get it. I enjoyed watching the Australians along with the Italians, two countries I rarely see perform.

“Was that a step or a stick?”

“Oh, definitely, a step,” announces the commentator.

On the technical side, I learned that if a step is less than shoulder width apart it’s a tenth deduction. If it’s more than shoulder width, that’s three tenths deduction.

But, what’s with this scoring anyway? Where’s the perfect 10? It’s hard to get excited when I have absolutely no inkling as to what this scoring means, except that ….

Just had to turn the news reporting Olympics results.

Where was I?….Oh yes, this scoring. All I know, is that not all apparatus is scored evenly. And, you can get more points for degrees of difficulty. I miss the perfect 10, I do. But, I understand the sport has changed since the perfect 10, so the scoring must follow.  I know this scoring isn’t new. I didn’t get it last time either. Or, maybe each apparatus is scored evenly. If someone, please tell me.

In Men’s Water Polo, the US played Montenegro. I didn’t know that many of the Americans actually play professional water polo in Europe and that most took a year off to train for the Olympics. Likewise, the Montenegran coach once played water polo for California State Long Beach.

I’m guessing many of these guys know each other pretty well, although you wouldn’t think that when you watched them. It’s quite an aggressive sport, and we only see half of it as we have no idea what shenanigans go on beneath.

On top, it’s a bit distracting watching all the chiseled bodies and their different colored caps. I’m doing my best. That, and the little white robes they wear to keep warm.  It’s especially pleasant when they all stand together and cheer. Oh, dear, I guess I’m getting distracted.

Back to the game. It was a one-goal game with two minutes remaining, score 7  (USA) to 6  (Montenegro). With 57 seconds left, the US scores. Then at the 46 second mark, it’s Montenegro with a score. The score is now 8-7 and Montenegro calls a time out with 17 seconds to go. No score. Win goes to the US.

Next water polo game is US-Hungry or is it Romania. I’m not sure. And, I’m not checking either. I can’t risk the possibility of any more spoilers.

Signing out Pacific Standard Time.

Olympic Fever, Pacific Standard Time

Fencers, McGill University, Montreal, 1925. Source.

I have Olympic fever. I get it every time. I guess I’m not watching any news for the next two weeks. I don’t want any results ahead of time, so I’m not talking to anyone about the Olympics. I don’t want any spoilers. It’s the only way. With an eight-hour time difference between London and California, it’s tricky.

I just finished watching Michael Phelps qualify, and within the hour a friend told me he didn’t even place in the final round. I was planning on watching that later tonight! Oh well. I hope I didn’t spoil anything for you.

I so enjoy watching the Olympics, particularly the drama of the gymnastics. I understand a current issue is the choice of pink for a background color. I’m not sure if it’s the mats or the siding. I hear it’s distracting for the gymnasts. I don’t blame them as it is a bit hard on the eyes as a TV watcher. I saw it when I watched the badminton.

I was a gymnast in my youth and the most we could muster was a forward roll on the balance beam. The tricks they do now demand super-human strength and finesse. No special effects required here.

I am looking forward to the diving, swimming, water polo, soccer (or football I should say) and the track and field to be sure. The Olympics also provides a look at other sports you may never watch anywhere else, unless you know someone who does the sport and, perhaps, attend the event personally. Many of these sports are simply not televised.

No matter what the sport, all of it is intense. For example, I have never seen such an intense game of table tennis in my life. I’m sure I couldn’t even return a serve if I were to play any of these Olympians. And, the sweat dripping from their faces, the coaches watching on the side, a stone-faced expression, or a sudden wincing, downward stare. Ah, the pressure.

The other sport I caught was fencing. I will now report on old news, because by now I’m sure you’ve already seen this, or the gold medal has already been awarded. No matter. I watched the Women’s Individual Foil event in fencing. In case you didn’t know, I learned that in the Foil, it’s only the tip that can touch your opponent. In the Sabre event, the whole sword, including the tip, can touch your opponent. The Foil involves the upper torso, but not the arms.

While watching, my son asks, “Is this sword fighting? Can you make money off this? It looks easy? Oh, are they doing it blind? Can they not see?”

Oh, they can see, and I bet it’s every bit as psychological as physical. I watched Di Francesca (#3 rank) from Italy and Nam (#2 rank) from South Korea. Nam was the silver medalist in Beijing in the last Olympic games. Between points, the women would often take their helmets off to look their opponent in the eye or wipe the sweat from their face, or perhaps argue a point with the referee. And when they win a point, their helmets blink red lights.

But this is the intense thing. Di Francesca came from behind, gaining the last five of the six points, to bring the overall score to a tie. So, they have one minute to play and the first touch wins. But previous to the final point being played, they toss a coin. If no one is able to score in the minute round, the person who wins the coin toss wins the match.

Could you imagine making it to the Olympics, making it that far, and losing to a coin toss?

I’m happy to report, in case you haven’t heard, that the match was not decided by a coin toss. Di Francesca touched her opponent within seconds. Riveting. Don’t tell me if she won the gold.